Rewind #9: The Shoes I'm Wearing

Original air date: 2Feb2010

I see life from my own point of view and more often than not think I’m right. I don’t think this is particularly narcissistic or unique to me, it’s just life. I think that’s how we all work, really -- and anybody who claims anything else is either lying, or they’ve spent a lifetime training themselves to put others before self. Even when I try to think about a situation through someone else’s eyes, all I’m really doing is putting their sunglasses on over my own eyeballs. I mean, REALLY, is it truly possible to see life from someone else’s genuine perspective? I don’t think so. At best we look through what we imagine their perspective to be. But we don’t carry the years of associations that person has into a particular situation, so it’ll always be a shallow version of their perspective.

Nothing drives this point home more than being married. A “situation” comes up, and I immediately default to “I’m right.” This stance has different variations, including “My feelings were hurt first,” “I have a better reason for my poor behavior,” “This is one of those times I need your benefit-of-the-doubt,” and “HOW could he be so selfish?!” It sometimes amazes me how long it takes for me to work myself out of one of these positions. Sometimes I put *just* enough thought into the other point of view to determine that, if *I* were in his shoes, *I* would have been able to excuse the poor behavior and in fact I would have brought home a bouquet of calla lilies to him. It’s only when I’m realllly motivated that I continue past that point and realize that yes, I was in fact being a jerk. And yes, in fact, he did have the right to be hurt and expect my apology -- and NOT the kind of 6-year-old pouty mom’s-making-me-say-sorry-so-SORRY, sorry. A real, ‘I didn’t mean to be so selfish and I’ll try to be a grown-up next time’ kind of sorry.

So I guess here’s my point: I don’t know that I can ever spend TOO much time trying to walk in someone else’s shoes. Mine fit so well and are so comfortable that it’s hard to want to get out of them, but sometimes the souls of others are worth walking in ... and not just for their benefit. I can’t remember a time that I felt worse off for putting someone else first. Even if they took advantage of my niceness or didn’t even commend me for doing it, I really can’t go wrong by doing more of it. I guess it’s just an area of constant effort and - hopefully - progress, by the grace of God. After all, if I even sit and think for a moment of all the terrible things I’ve been forgiven of, a snappy comment or poorly timed criticism really AREN’T that big of a deal in the big picture, now are they??