Rewind #33: Getting Back In The Saddle (again)

Original air date: 21Jan2010

No big news. No big revelations. Just enjoying getting back in the swing of things - albeit slower than I might prefer - but I’m thankful for the recovery I am being given from my surgery. I am now 5½ weeks post-op, and doing well. Of COURSE I’d prefer to be spending more time away from the couch, but hey - I won’t complain. (Too loudly.) 

Sometimes it’s the occasions when we’re forced to slow down that we take the time to look around how notice how blessed we really are. I am so grateful for my husband who has nursed me tirelessly day and night, both in the last month and too frequently for the last six years. I can’t believe we just celebrated our 6th anniversary!! In some respects it seems like just a few months, but on the other hand, anything else feels like a dream of another life. 

I could also talk of the blessings that have overflowed on friends and family recently -- one declared cancer-free after a 2-year fight, one had too close of a call with cancer but received normal results, another is enjoying healing unprecedented for 9 years ... not to mention some of the  more personal spiritual growth in people I know ... and myself. The more I experience in life, the more I am convinced that blessings are everywhere for us to recognize and claim, not something we sit back and wait for. And, more often than not, the biggest blessings come in packages that can be very uncomfortable to open.

But I said this wouldn’t be about big revelations. :) Soon I will tell the tales of the new adventures I’m having with learning a new trick or two, and what it looks like this spring and summer will have in store for us. Until then, we’ll just sway to the rhythm of love and thank God for every new day we’re given. ♥

Rewind #29: Counting Down, Spoons, and Dreams

Original air date: 16Oct2010

Well, here we are - 16 days into our dream road trip! We are having SO much fun, and I have to say (since I’m not superstitious) that we haven’t had a single bump, issue, or setback. It’s truly been a blessed trip. The scenery across America in the heart of autumn has just been amazing, and I wouldn’t trade my company for the trip for anything. Danny and I have giggled our heads off, had big deep serious conversations, and just chatted away a few thousand miles. And even though we have XM radio, a bunch of cd’s, and several books with us, most all of our time has been spent just soaking up the conversation of a couple best friends. I am so blessed with my partner. I may not have done a lot of things well in my life, but one thing I *can* say is that I married well. :)

The one thing about the trip that’s really surprised me, though, is how many ‘spoons’ it requires to sit it a car all day. Even when we don’t have a schedule to keep, I can nap throughout the day, and there’s not a stressor to be found, I have still been strangely low on spoons! I knew I wasn’t going to have an overabundance of them, but I’ve been surprised by how many this trip has taken.  For so many reasons I am looking forward to my surgery in November -- but I have to admit there’s still quite a nervousness in me! I am still doing research, even at this point. I am reading a book (out loud while we drive, so that Danny is reading it with me,) on “What every woman needs to know” about a hysterectomy and ovary removal. There is a lot in there I didn’t know! I am sending out an email to all the women I know that have had this surgery (that have said they wouldn’t mind answering some questions) to get an informal “poll” back. Some questions will be specific, and others will be general. Hopefully it will help me get somewhat of a feel for these topics. I will admit something that is rearing its “ugly” head .... all of those issues I talk about a long time ago - I think when I was on the Lupron and contemplating this surgery - related to the emotional impact of this surgery. Things like: being less of a woman, having the option taken away of ever getting pregnant (and as those who know me would know, the decision to not bear children was made long before this surgery, or even these diseases, came about.) Yet these are all reeling around my head a mile a minute! For some reason the term “eunuch” keeps going through my head. I have had more dreams in the last 2 weeks about being pregnant than ever before in my life -- dreams that are happy & good (like being pregnant at the same time as a good friend and sharing the experience,) and dreams that are scary or sad (like having the surgeon find out midway through the surgery that I was actually pregnant, but it was too late because things were already severed.) Ahh! I really could use the help of my subconscious here. It doesn’t need to be messing with my head at this point. (Interestingly, from reading online I have found that these exact same dreams are pretty common among women facing this surgery -- especially the one about finding out mid-surgery that you were pregnant. I guess that’s why they do a pregnancy test during your pre-op.)

So, here I am - back where I was so many months ago: trying to bridge that gap between head and heart. Why can we intellectually know something that is so difficult to incorporate into our hearts? Another thing that is basically one of the major maker-breakers of the decision on the surgery is weighing the balance of (a) the benefits to moderate-to-major medical and quality-of-life issues now, with (b) the possible impact and consequences of major health and quality-of-life issues later. Just skimming off the top of that pond brings up issues of being 3 times more likely to develop coronary heart disease; 6 times more likely to develop congestive heart failure; and 8 times more likely to have a stroke. Isn’t that a lovely bedtime story?

I am so grateful for the wealth of information available at our fingertips with today’s technology, for living in a part of the world where I even have the possibility of major medical care like this, for the friends and family who support me through anything, for a husband who will walk through fire for & with me, and for the love and peace that transcends any medical condition or life situation that can only come from Christ. I am so thankful that the Lord held these health problems back until I was His child and had Him as a source of strength to draw from. 

“The Lord is near. Be anxious for nothing,
but in everything by prayer and supplication
with thanksgiving let your requests
be made known to God. And the peace of God,
which surpasses all comprehension,
will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.”
Phil 4:5-7

Rewind #23: More than Half Full

Original air date: 18Apr2010

Someday girl this ol’ world will try to beat you up,
Well let ‘em bring it on, cuz every time we touch
Life is good, the grass is green,
The good Lord’s smilin’ on you and me
.... Sweet sunshine everywhere I look
You love me like no one could -
Life is good!

Well, that just about sums it up! This blog entry was brought to you by Kenny Chesney. The End.

Just kidding - I know you want WAY more information than that - otherwise why would you be reading this?? (I say that like I even have a clue who’s reading this!) :-P Anyway, as usual, things have been busy and chaotic around here - but such is life!! Danny had surgery on his shoulder day before yesterday, and he’s doing pretty well. So far he’s only woken up in a lot of pain once, and that was because we both slept about 2 hours past his next pain pill dose. Once that had kicked in he was doing alright again - and as long as he’s cozied in to his little spot on the couch, he says he really doesn’t feel much pain. I am very thankful that they were able to repair everything going on in his shoulder without having to go into his rotator cuff - once they have to repair that, the recovery becomes considerably longer and more intensive. As it is, he should be back to himself within a few months - yay! I just can’t wait for him to be in less pain.

So what’s been going on with my health saga lately? Well, there’s news on many fronts. I *finally* got to go in for my appt with my new GYN at UCDavis - I had a lot of anxiety and eagerness about the appt. The clinic sent me a bunch of paperwork to fill out ahead of time and bring with me - but as I started going through the papers, I got reeeeeally nervous. It was ALL related to fertility!!! In fact, I found out the the clinic was called the FERTILITY clinic!! Yikes! I got very nervous and vowed not to take a single medicine or treatment or even drink from their water fountain until I knew well and good what it was for. I started to doubt that I was really being send to the correct clinic, so I called in. I told the lady that answered the phone that I wanted to check to make sure I was going to the right place - saying that I was ONLY coming in to be treated for Endometriosis, and it was NOT related to fertility, not now not ever. She said “oh yes, he treats that, come on in - you’re in the right place.” Okaaaaay. (I was still hesitant.) I was a little nervous in the waiting room, surrounded by all the pregnant people (evidently they are a successful clinic.) I mean, I know they know what causes that “condition” in women now, but just in *case* they’ve missed a contagious factor, I made sure to stay sitting over by myself. ;-) So Danny and I went in to the appt, and it took a little while to get to the bottom line, but within about 20 minutes we figured out with the doctor’s help that we were in the wrong place. He said that yes, he treats Endo, but only inasmuch as it relates to resolving it in order to get pregnant. (Needless to say, the word “hysterectomy” is considered a VERY bad word there.) I became very disheartened and frustrated. It had taken me quite a while to get to that appt, and now I was having to start over with the referral and appt-making process. :( He referred me on to the Chronic Pelvic Pain Clinic (CPPC) for treatment - but two weeks later when the secretary finally called me, they said that there were no appts available until after June, so they could schedule me the first week of June for the resident’s clinic in the same place. I tried to explain to them that I am a complicated case - they have four diseases they have to take into consideration for my treatment (not exactly a straightforward, textbook case,) but they assured me the residents are overseen by the same attending physicians as in the CPPC. So, just to feel like I am making progress, I made an appt for the 8th of May, I think. Somewhere in there. 

On another front, I am taking a few steps forward on getting my cough figured out. The last news I had given on here (I think) was that they had gotten the results of my chest CT scan, where they saw “a certain kind of inflammation indicative of MAC disease.” So they sent me to a specialist in MAC, who I saw last week. They showed me my CT scan (that kind of stuff I just find *fascinating*!) and showed me the places that were not normal, and what was of concern to them. They would like to redo my bronchoscopy (my last one was last summer,) so we have scheduled that for April 29th, I believe. (Sometimes these appts all run together!) Also, on the 27th I go into my Dermatologist for a follow-up on my LS. It’s improved, but not gone away. :( 

And still in yet *other* health news, my body seems to be getting back on track since my Lupron shot last October. Things are returning to a normal schedule - but unfortunately that means that my monthly hand flares have also returned. This month I am having my first flare since October, and it seems to be making up for lost time! The hand spots have become full target lesions, many with tight blisters in the middle, making using my hands very difficult and painful. Hopefully that subsides soon. The good news is that it hasn’t shown up in my mouth yet though.

So -- other than all of the health news (which has been changing daily around here,) I have to say that life is going really well. The sun is shining, spring looks to be finally springing - with a beautiful cluster of yellow roses blooming out front! I have two big yellow rose bushes out front (and two more out back) that just go crazy this time of year. They’re so pretty! I finally got some flowers planted in the pots out in the entry way, which always brightens things up. Plus, I am in love with my husband more than I have ever been, he is in love with me, and we are optimistic about our future. I think this is going to be a *great* year - full of surgeries and health advancements, but I think that by this time next year both Danny and me will be in a better physical state. Plus we are both getting really excited about the travel plans we have! Yippee! *This* is what life is about! I have better relationships with my family, my friends, my church family than I have ever had. I have gotten thru a point in life where I have figured out the difference between a true friend and a fair-weather friend, and I have really come to appreciate the friendship of a true friend - and learned not to waste my time and energy with the other kind - and more importantly, it teaches me what kind of friend I always need to strive to be. With the Lord’s help, I will be the kind of friend that I desire to have. So, it’s not a matter of not having struggles or things to overcome in life, it’s always remaining grateful for all of the overflowing blessings in our lives. Do we focus on the things that we are struggling with, or do we insist on looking at them only in the proper perspective in relation to all of the overwhelming good? I can’t say I am able to pull this off *every* day of my life, but by and large I have to say that I try to make the choice to count my blessings, be thankful for the lessons I learn during my trials, and thank the Lord that He’s always with me no matter what I’m going through, and I trust His promise that He will never give me more than I can handle. Life is good.

Life is good, the grass is green,
The good Lord’s smilin’ on you and me ....
Life is good!

Rewind #18: Right on the Money

Original air date: 18Feb2010

"She’s bulls-eye perfect, she’s right on the money ..." (Alan Jackson)

I dedicate this song to ....... me.

Now, before you become all appalled at my narcissism, give me a minute to explain. 

It’s sometimes a temptation to think that something is wrong with us if we don’t live up to some standard of perfection that is generally adopted by our society - but never ever reached. *No* one “has it all” - not even the people we put up on a pedestal for those measures of success. Sure, we look at the magazine rack and see all of those perfectly-sculpted human figures, and suddenly we feel crappy about ourselves. (Marketers of course like it that way, because then we’ll buy the “look better” product that model is selling that you know she has never once used.) But you know what? I have a simple fix for that entire epidemic of low self-esteem in America. One company came *close* to a fix, but weren’t quite thorough enough. I believe that in the 7th grade EVERY child should have their portrait taken by a professional photographer and then be given a 2-day course in Adobe Photoshop. With entry-level proficiency at the most basic Photoshop techniques, I think every child should be given the raw picture file that was taken, and within 3 hours they will be able to transform that picture into something that looks remarkably like the cover of that magazine. One of the most self-esteem boosting moves I ever did was learn Photoshop. Guess what? I really CAN have perfect skin!! I really can have a longer neck, less there, more there, and perfectly white teeth. I think this exercise should be repeated about every 10 years throughout our lives, just to remind ourselves how much of the standard of perfection in America is nothing but smoke and mirrors.  But I have digressed.

In my particular case, it could be easy (and at times it *has* been easy) to think of my health issues and determine that something about me is broken, wrong, or less than perfect. It might be tempting to think that God made a mistake on me, or forgot about me altogether. But on the way home today I was listening to this song by Alan Jackson and was reminded of one simple truth: I am exactly how God made me at this moment. As a friend once reminded me, God was not surprised when biopsy or blood test results came back. God always knew this would happen to me -- and the fact that it IS happening is proof that this is all part of God’s will. 

Now I am not as bold as some who presume to know the mind of God, and so I cannot say that “God gave me” these conditions. But I can say they are in His will, since they are happening. I think of Job, who Satan inflicted with terrible hardships to test his faithfulness to the Lord. God did not directly give Job those trials, but He allowed them to happen because they served a bigger purpose. My faith says that on some level, that is what God is doing with me. God has created me exactly the way He wanted me to be. God has allowed everything that has come into my life, and I know He is powerful enough to use it ALL to work together for good for those that love Him .... and I love Him.

Rewind #17: Blessing the Broken Road

Original air date: 17Feb2010

Every long-lost dream
Led me to where you are.
Others who broke my heart,
They were like northern stars
Pointing me on my way
Into your loving arms.
This much I know is true:
That God blessed the broken road
That led me straight to you ....

"God Bless the Broken Road" --Rascal Flatts 

Just ask my husband - I cannot watch a movie without guessing a hundred times how the movie’s going to end. I am constantly saying things like, “Watch out behind that door! There’s a bad guy waiting!” or, “Ohh I don’t trust that guy. They’re only making us like him because he’s gonna turn out to be a terrorist.” or, “I’m tellin’ ya, this girl helped plant the bomb.” .... you know, stuff like that. (Did I just give away what kind of movies we watch most?? OK, so we watch WAY too much “24,” what’s your point?) ;-) I guess I’m kinda like Dr. House - I get enough of my guesses right that Danny threatens to not watch with me anymore ... but for each correct guess I have, I have 99 wrong guesses.

Ain’t that life?? I tell ya, I could never have guessed the path of my life. I would never have believed you if you came up to me 10 years ago and said simple truths from my life. I would never have believed that not only would I be a Christian, but I would have SUCH a fire for Christ that I would give anything to be able to share with any person that would listen for 5 minutes the unbelievable change that Christ has made in my life. I would have pointed to the little “Darwin fish” decal on my truck bumper back then and snidely said, “Yeah right.” If you would have told me that by the age of 25 I would have a college degree, two divorces, and a life-changing autoimmune disease that would force me to work my last day on the job less than two years later, I would have told you that you were off your rocker. I would also never have believed that one day I would have the kind of husband that makes me feel like I will NEVER be able to repay the love and the dedication that he shows to me on a daily basis, having stood with me through thick and thin, high and low - and that I would feel humbled nearly every time I looked at him. I wouldn’t have believed that I would find and marry a man of such worth.

Believe me, before I was a Christian I looked for love in all the wrong places - and not surprisingly, I found the fish native to the ponds in which I was trolling. It took changing the fishing pond, the bait and the standards for what was a keeper and what was strictly catch-n-release before I found the man that is the catch of a lifetime. Danny and I have never hidden that we have had our ups and downs since we were married in January of 2005, but I can say easily that we have never been stronger than we are now. God has blessed me beyond measure with my husband, and I am humbled and inspired by the kind of agape-love he shows for me. 

Both Danny and I admit that we each came into this marriage with no small amount of baggage. I like to think I simply had a carry-on while he was hauling his Air Force duffel bag, (which is NO small bag) ... but I know that’s simply not true. I practically had to have a bellhop follow me around the first years of our marriage just to make sure I wouldn’t lose track of any of my baggage. Well, item by item and prayer by prayer, Danny and I continue to set down that baggage and determine together never to pick it back up again. As painful as creating that baggage was, I *know* that it was exactly those experiences that built Danny and me into the people we are today. Without those experiences, we wouldn’t have the depth of relationship we have today. As this song truly says, I wholeheartedly believe that every thing along my broken road was leading me and preparing me for Danny -- and so wishing away any part of my past would wish away my present.

So here’s the real sticking point to that train of thought -- if I say that I trust that the Lord was always looking out for me, preparing me and discipling me for the blessings of my life now, knowing that without those difficult experiences I would not be the person I am today .... then wouldn’t the same hold true for my present and my future? Isn’t the God I serve today the same God that loved me back then, even before I loved Him? Why would I ever think, then, that my current trials aren’t all the more preparation for blessings I can not imagine and would not believe anyway awaiting me in my future?? I desire a faith that not only looks back and gives thanks, but one that looks forward and trusts.

Now I’m just rolling home, into my lover’s arms ....

This much I know is true, that God blessed the broken road that led me straight to you

Rewind #11: Things That Make Me HAPPY

Original air date: 6Feb2010

You might consider this a continuation of the entry: Some of the good things!, or you just think of it as a Happy List. My life is filled with some absolutely AMAZING things, and there are opportunities to be filled with joy & happiness at every turn ... so I wanted to share a few of them with you! I once read about a woman that kept a “happy box” ... it was filled with all kinds of little things that made her happy. It might be dried flowers from a special event, a meaningful card from a friend, a hilarious comic she ran across ... anything that would make her smile if she looked at it while feeling a little blue. Think of this blog entry as my happy box! (And since I covered all the deeper spiritual stuff before, this is just the kind of stuff that can make me smile during the day.) :)

First, a good song. There are SO many songs that are just GREAT to sing along to in the car. Sun shining, my windows down and sunroof open, my radio up & singing at the top of my lungs, complete with funny looks by the people in the car next to me at the red light. But that’s alright ... I’ve seen that look before, and I’ll see it again. Here are some songs that are absolutely impossible to sing along to and stay in a blue mood:

“Loco” by David Lee Murphy. Now just TRY to
say you can sing along to that with the windows down
and the sun shining and NOT be instantly in a
better mood!!

Fun fonts. I *really* hope these are showing up
on your computer too ... because few things about
working on a computer are more fun for me that cool fonts. Believe me, Danny hates it when he has to get on my computer for something ... he thinks I make “everything all weird.” :)

I like calla lilies, daisies, and anything other flower brave enough to
bloom in my yard. I love horseback riding and I love birds. I have had
several little hand-fed cockatiels and really enjoyed them! Unfortunately,
they aren’t the cleanest of pets. :( Other happy things are: the color red,
artsing, craftsing, and creating anything with my hands; cross stitching,
learning new things - like sewing, which is the most recent thing to be
added to my repertoire. And yes, I like spell check, which enables me to use words like "repertoire."

You don’t have to know me very long to know that one of the things I
enjoy the most about life is a good excuse for a gut-busting laugh. I
can’t think of many things in life that aren’t made better by some humor &
learning to take myself a little less seriously. Got a great joke? Share it with me! Know a
funny quote? I like to collect those too. This is one of the reasons I enjoy comedy movies so much (plus the fact that they are a GREAT excuse to cuddle with Danny on the couch.) Danny & I tease each other that we talk in movie lines more than we talk in actual invented conversation. You’ll hear us often quoting from shows like 24, Dumb & Dumber, Kung Fu Panda,  House, Honeymooners ...... well shoot, we quote just about anything we can remember!! There’s also another habit we have when we watch movies that is hilarious to us and I’m sure annoying as can be to anyone sitting with us: we LOVE to talk, criticize, guess, advise and jab our way through the shows! Danny says it’s like Mystery Science Theatre ... but since I’ve never seen it, I can’t confirm or deny that. ;-) We watch movies so much and so many times that we say that the next thing we’re going to do is start watching the shows on mute and we’ll make up our own dialogue. 

My life is filled with ALL KINDS of good things ... all I’ve done here is scratch the surface of things I enjoy. I hope to continue to post things I like and bring a little joy to this blog. Right now I am surrounded by a few of my favorite things in my life: my husband (who is my best friend) is sitting right next to me -- (even if he is asleep, making cute little partial conversation-sounding noises;) a semi-warm cup of really sweet coffee and a homemade dark chocolate thingy that my mom made on the end table next to the couch, and of course, the world of my friends sharing their lives with me through the wonders of things like Facebook ... as I wind down from a day of worshipping the Lord and spending time with my church family - with the bonus of knowing that my Mom & Dad will be in town soon and I’ll get to spend time with them and my sister this week. What a night! It is easy for me to see that I am blessed and my cup overflows.

Hope you guys are having a most fabulous day!!

Rewind #8: Some of the Good Things

Original air date: 1Feb2010

It might be easy to draw an incorrect conclusion. By reading through these last few posts, you might get to thinking that all I think about are things related to my health [or the lack of,] or the struggles I am having. While it’s true that I *am* at a pretty crucial point with a lot of those things -- I am on the verge of making some decisions that are going to affect the rest of my life -- I am surrounded EVERY DAY by some WONDERFUL things in this world! Unable to be topped by anything is the fact that God answered me when I decided to seek Him with my whole heart, according to His truth. He has been knocking at my door for many, many years, and I finally answered the door and He came in! I can’t explain the same thing that couldn’t be explained to me when I was an atheist - and that is the peace that passes all understanding. I know that the cross is a stumbling block to some and foolishness to others, but to me it is God’s power to salvation. No disease, no hormone, no injection or surgery or therapy can ever take that away. I know that God has given me the freedom to walk away from Him at any time, but He has given me too many reasons to stay.

Beyond that I have an AMAZING husband who has loved me from the beginning and has stood by my through EVERYTHING. And that’s a LOT. This is the man who has wrapped my hands with gauze, done countless trips to the pharmacy or to the dr’s office for me and with me, he has slept many nights in the back of our Blazer parked in the hospital’s parking garage because the night nurse was enforcing visiting hours. Danny has had the guts and the love to stand up to me when I stood too tall; loving hands that have always caught me when I was falling; and feet that have always stood beside me. He has weathered the storms of Prednisone and Lupron ... which were NO small feat. He allows me to be me, while helping me grow into a better me.

Even though I went years without truly appreciating what an amazing family I have, I am now wholeheartedly convinced that my family is knit together tighter than most, and I have blessing after blessing flowing from that spring. I continue to grow closer & closer to my sisters and my parents, and I love how these relationships are deeper than ever -- not to mention the family I inherited when I married Danny, which includes everyone from Chris & Kayla to Danny’s mom, Mama Stroud, his amazing sisters & hilarious brothers (I’ve been told many times to always have a lock on the suitcase if you’re staying at their house,) plus nieces like Misty and Tonya and all of the other wonderful McNeals! It is only by their warm welcoming into the family that I know I would be at home wherever they are, whether TN or FL or TX or beyond.

There has also been an entirely new family I have been adopted into, and that is the family of God - the church. Ever since the Lord added me to His church on March 16, 2003, I have been blessed by the love and support of my family in Christ. I really can’t overemphasize the encouragement they have been! I have developed some of the closest friendships I have ever had in the church ... but I SO hesitate to name names because I have grown SO close to SO many people, but if my brain misfires and I forgot to write a name of a person that was really important to me, I would just die. But I know my closest friends know who they are. :)

I am blessed to have the medical coverage and healthcare that I have. Of all the places in the world, (that kinda sounds like, “of all the gin joints ...”) what were the odds of me being born in a country where I would have access to such things?? Why wasn’t I born in Zambia, where just getting a drink of clean water is a big deal??

I am reading several books that are blessing my life too:

• Danny and I are reading Love & Respect by Dr. Emerson Eggerichs. The book is based on Ephesians 5:33: “Each individual among you also is to love his own wife even as himself, and the wife must see to it that she respects her husband.” God has designed us so that the man’s deepest need is respect, and the woman’s is love, and this book is helping us embrace that & communicate it to our spouse. We are learning a lot about our marriage & communication!
• Michael J. Fox’s Adventures of an Incurable Optimist. The title’s use of the word “incurable” is a pun on the fact that he suffers from Parkinson’s Disease, an incurable condition -- but he refuses to let a devastating disease rob him of his joy of living. I highly recommend this to everyone, but especially those with health struggles.
• What’s Submission Got To Do With It? by Cindy Easley. It’s an “every woman” kind of book on embracing God’s design for a submissive wife. She talks about how our nature is to rise up and want to control things (see Genesis 3,) but that God has an order to everything He designs. Unfortunately the word “submissive” has been misused so many time to mean more like “subservient,” and it robs us of the nobility that being a true helpmate carries. I can’t watch a movie like The Cinderella Man, The Glenn Miller Story, Rocky, -- or any of the others where the man can NOT succeed until his wife wholeheartedly supports him, and think that being a helpmate is a second-class role! I like that the author writes it in such a way that you don’t feel dumb nor wicked if you struggle with putting away the thoughts of the world to embrace God’s way.
• Sick and Tired of Feeling Sick and Tired -- Living with Invisible Chronic Illness, by Paul Donoghue. It talks about the unique struggles of living with diseases that are invisible to the people around you -- sometimes even those closest to you -- and how it affects us differently that those battling conditions like cancer or being in a wheelchair ... anything that can be easily seen.

Sometimes it’s just a great habit to pause & look at all the countless things in my life that bless me FAR beyond what I deserve. God has TRULY been amazing to me!! In my next entry I will include a small list of scripture that serves to always be an encouragement to me. Depending on the day, this list could vary *widely* - but there are some that always lift me up. Stay tuned for those!