Losing & Finding My Way - Again (Part Two)

{Continued from "Losing & Finding My Way - Again (Part One)"}

Two roads diverged in a wood, and I,

I took the one {more} traveled by,

And that has made all the difference.

But then something slowly changed.

And I didn't notice it changing.

I think most of us have heard the story about the poor little frog and the boiling water; if he's put in lukewarm water and then it's heated to boiling, he won't jump out and it will kill him - but if you try to plop him into water already boiling he'll jump right out and save his life. Isn't that so true in life? 

Just like I didn't realize how weary I had become when I first tasted true healing, I didn't realize just how much things had changed in the years since I'd turned my life to Jesus. Have you ever been carrying a super heavy backpack and then when you set it down, you immediately feel like you're going to float right off the ground? Isn't that the weirdest feeling?! That's as close as I can explain the feeling when you realize that Jesus has taken your load of bricks off your back - your soul floats and soars. (And if you are where I was, believe me - I understand how hokey that sounds.) 

Well, somewhere along the line I never realized that my yoke was no longer easy and my burden was no longer light. But why? It has taken me years to realize why. 

I'm not here to go into the ins and outs of everything that made me realize what I have come to realize, but I would like to share a few things. First, the most important thing I could stress right now is:

If the yoke is not easy and the burden is not light, then it is not from Jesus. 

There are many, many people who are peddling heavy burdens in the name of God that are not from God. Just like when Jesus walked the earth 2,000 years ago, there are an overwhelming number of people who have changed what God has commanded into their own religion. How could Jesus defy so many Jewish laws and yet claim to be of God, when God Himself established the Jewish religion? Because over the centuries, Jews had added their own stipulations on top of what God had given - and yet they claimed it was all a mandatory part of the faith, and they would harshly judge and condemn anyone who did not keep their religion as they had come to define it. [Sound familiar?] For example, when God told the Jews to observe the Sabbath and keep it holy, the Jews added countless laws down to how many steps could be taken on the day. Did you know they even made a law saying you could not heal someone with mud & spittle on the Sabbath?? So, when Jesus came and healed a man born blind on a Sabbath using mud & spittle, was Jesus breaking the law? Yes. And no. He was breaking the law the Jews had created, but not the law of God. 

I believe if Jesus were to walk the earth in the flesh today, He would make a lot of Christians very mad. Why? Because He would no doubt break many such laws that we have added over 20 centuries in order to show us what God had intended for us all along. Why else does the Christianity we see all around us today look almost nothing like what we read about in the pages of the New Testament? Today we see a multi-billion dollar industry called "religion"; when Jesus walked the earth, helping the orphan and the widow in their affliction was called "true religion." "Organized religion" in their day might've meant multiple followers of Christ working together to feed those orphans; today a majority of Americans say they hate organized religion (for good reason) - because of what it's come to mean in our vocabulary. The differences are endless between how we see early followers of "the Way" acting with each other and their world, and what we see today.

There is one thing I am not interested in doing:

Giving you my conclusions about what those differences are. 

I am on a journey back to the beginning. Back to when the yoke was easy. Sometimes that means taking a turn off the road most traveled and most popular, and onto a road few understand or agree with. For too long I got caught up majoring in the minors and auditing the majors. I've learned there is a monumental difference between intellectually studying about the history of Jesus, and in pursuing a living, breathing, tangible, change-the-way-you-live-your-life relationship with Jesus, by living through the power of His Spirit. Francis Chan said it well when he said that the majority of lives of believers are indistinguishable - they "make sense" - to unbelievers. In what ways am I living by faith in such a way where if God does not come through, I'm hosed?? For years I have sung - and heard crowds singing - words such as, "Living by faith in Jesus alone" .... "Though none go with me, still I will follow" .... "We place You in the highest place, above all else" ......... and frankly, many of us haven't meant it. The first thing many consider when it comes to following Jesus is how popular that move would be with the church. (And if it's not popular, well then.......). And the fact is, in my life and many others', God has been anything but "above all else."

So here's where I am with all of this now. For the first time in my life I truly understand the old cliché about "the more I know, the more I know I don't know." I'm stripping things down to a living, breathing relationship with Jesus and am pursuing knowing Him - not knowing about Him. To the best of my ability I will help anyone I can to draw close to Him as well, but not to hand them my conclusions. I will help show them what I've learned about how to pursue Him so they can get their conclusions from Him, not my feeble little mind. I believe one of the reasons that His way is described as narrow is because it really is very simple. Seek to know Him, and Him crucified. There's so much else we try to add to the path that are distractions at best, detours at worst. Let's stick to the straight and narrow, my friend, and along the way we can help to remind each other that His way is easy and His burden is light. Let's not accept any counterfeits.

Losing & Finding My Way - Again (Part One)

I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I,
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference. 

----Robert Frost

Several years ago ... nearly 10, to be exact ... I turned the direction of my life on its tail and nothing has been the same since. I had been confident in my worldview and more than a bit cocky, because I "knew" what few others seemed to grasp - and yet it was so clear to me: All we are is all we are. There is no magical supernatural being over us or in us; the only part of the Bible I agreed with was some part about coming from dust and ending in dust. Period. End of story. 

Although I had this grasp on a "truth" that seemed to escape the masses, there eventually came a point when I was forced to admit that my life was digging itself deeper into a ditch - a ditch that those masses were seemingly avoiding. What was the difference? In my early 20's I finally took to heart the old maxim, "The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over & over and expecting different results." I had been making decisions the same way over & over and was getting the same downward-spiraling results over & over. It was time for a change. 

But what needed to change? I wasn't sure - so everything was up for reexamination. Turns out that my entire life was put on an anvil by which I was being forged into something completely different - what I believed, how I thought, who I spent time with, what I did for a living, what I did for recreation - all of these things were up for reevaluation. This was the most important thing I ever did in my life, and I hope that I never take any piece out of the "Able To Be Re-Examined" category again.

By that point in my life I was weary. Weary of running so hard and so fast in one direction only to realize, a hundred miles down that road, that it was the wrong road. I was weary of living according to the way that every logical neuron in my brain said was right, and yet it ended in disaster time and time again. I was weary of having no hope; I was weary of thinking that the here & now was the best it would ever be. "But I am a realist," I continued to tell myself. You don't believe in something that's not true just because you want it to be true; just because it makes you all fuzzy inside. That's the 'opiate of the masses,' right? But I was ... so ... weary.

"Come to Me, all who labor and are heavy-laden, and I will give you rest.

Take My yoke upon you, and learn from Me - and you will find rest for your souls.

For My yoke is easy and My burden is light."

Have you ever heard something that soothed a nerve deep inside your soul that had been rubbed raw? Maybe a raw nerve you didn't even realize you had? This was it for me. I don't know that I realized at the time just how weary I was, until I tasted of this salve for the first time.  Somewhere in my subconscious - that part where you know it, but you won't admit it to yourself - I had been trying to treat my own raw nerves in several ways for a long time. It was as if deep in my soul I had a bundle of raw nerves - like copper wires stripped of their protective coating - and as painful as each one was, they were outright dangerous if one bare wire touched another. So I would wrap each raw nerve in whatever I had in my tool belt (which, as an atheist, wasn't much), so I wrapped each nerve as if in an Ace bandage of alcohol, or partying, or just the constant noise and busy-ness around me so that I would never be left alone in the [sober] quiet company of my own raw nerves. But what I had come to learn was that these bandages of partying and distraction were actually just as conductive as a bare wire; although it might take a delay of a short amount of time for the electric shock to travel, the punch delivered was sometimes worse than it would've been without the delay. 

But then I started to experience a genuine salve - a true solution for my raw nerves instead of the poor & temporary fixes I'd been attempting. A single drop of hope applied to a raw nerve is more soothing than a hundred bottles of alcohol. The more I sought to learn more about this "easy yoke" and "light burden," the more that one drop of hope turned into a small, steady trickle from a faucet. Each drop peeled back a layer of my own shoddy bandaging and applied a sincere remedy - and unlike my other attempts, this one wasn't wearing off a few hours later to only reveal more corroded wire. Unless I went back in after the salve had been applied and stripped the wire raw again on my own, it stayed healed. I'd never experienced such a thing before -- and it made me crave more of it.

Little by little and day by day I realized that Jesus - yes, this same Jesus whom I had debated endlessly about and whom I had denied my entire life - was standing right in front of me, knocking persistently at my door and imploring that I let Him heal not just one or two of my raw nerves, but every single raw nerve I had. Ones I didn't even know I had. He would gladly take the bag of bricks I'd been accumulating off my back, set them down and forget them, and hand me a yoke that was truly a resting place for my soul. I was finding that Jesus was not some historical event to debate or some overlord desperate to condemn the world -- He was living and breathing and calling me, all in a way I couldn't explain. How could someone who lived 2,000 years ago be active in my life today?? Skeptical, thinking it was too good to be true, I eventually took Him up on His offer. And you know what? Every raw nerve is healing and my soul is at rest. This sure doesn't mean I don't have problems - it simply means that the fountain of hope & living water from which I now freely drink is enough to give me a contentment and a peace that goes well beyond whatever temporal problems I have -- and that, my friends, is rest for my soul.

{But then something changed. Please see Part Two}

Integrity - at what cost?

"Some people like my advice so much that they frame it upon the wall instead of using it."
--Gordon R. Dickson, American author

I wonder how often Jesus has said the same thing?

Put plainly, if our study of God's Word is an intellectual journey void of real-world application, it's a false journey that does not please God. Time and again the Holy Spirit tells us that it is the "doing" of God's word that is important, not the hearing. Are you ever struck by situations in your life that cause you to come face-to-face with a principle, and you're put in a position of having to decide if you'll live out what you've claimed in theory? That happened to me today.

This last Sunday, my husband co-taught a Bible class based on Jesus' "sermon on the mount," and this particular lesson was all about deep integrity. Jesus calls us to be people of such integrity that there's no oath or swearing we can add to our words that would make them be any more meaningful. In class they read from Randy Harris' book, "Living Jesus" about a question Randy poses his students every year. We all like to say that we are honest people and wouldn't lie, but Randy challenges us to see if we would stick to that when the stakes are high. Here's his scenario (and I'm paraphrasing it here):

Imagine you are a college senior in the last semester before graduation. You are an accounting major and seemingly have everything lined up perfectly; you have a fiancé ready to marry you after graduation, you have a job offer with a reputable firm, and everything seems to be falling into place. The only problem is, you find out that you are short one class in Literature of all subjects! The registrar fits you in to the last class available on classic American literature. All semester long you plod through books like The Scarlet Letter, Huckleberry Finn, and To Kill a Mockingbird. You've read each one and done well on the tests. The final book assigned is Moby Dick -- all 800+ pages of it. And it's all about whaling. You are from a small farming town in Kansas, and the thought of reading about whaling - especially with the semester winding down and all of the graduation ducks lining up - is just more than you can bear ... so you read the Cliff's Notes and watch both Moby Dick movies. You feel confident that you can answer any question on the final regarding any question the professor could throw at you about Moby Dick. But to your shock, when the final is handed out there is only one question to the whole exam: Did you read "Moby Dick?" Your Literature grade - your credits necessary for college graduation - which are needed to land that good job and be able to marry your waiting fiancé -- that all rests on the back of one question. Did you read "Moby Dick?"

What would you answer?

According to Randy Harris, year after year 95% of his students say they would lie on the question. (He also wonders how many of the 5% lied about the fact that they would lie.)

Today I had an appointment with my rheumatologist - the specialist who coordinates the bulk of the care regarding my very rare autoimmune condition, Behçet's Disease (BD). Because my disease is so rare - the most common figure I hear is that there is somewhere between 10,000-15,000 people in the United States with that condition. (For comparison, the football stadium at my alma mater - Boise State University - currently holds 34,000 people.) Last spring I started receiving infusions of a chemotherapy drug called Remicade to treat my BD, but because Remicade is not labeled by the FDA for use with BD, my insurance company revoked the coverage and I had to discontinue my infusions - therefore losing the benefits I had already gained in just 3 treatments. In my appointment today my doctor talked to me about some of my options - but sadly, there aren't too many out there. (The next medication we're looking to start is Enbrel, which would be a weekly injection I would give myself in the muscles in my abdomen.) The same problem exists with every medication - there is no such thing as a medication labeled by the FDA for Behçet's. Most insurance companies will approve "lesser" medications in a situation like this, when valid use can be assumed for conditions similar to those on the label. However, the more expensive the medication gets the more incentive the insurance company has to deny the claim - and considering that each Remicade infusion costs around $20,000 (and I'd get an infusion every 6 weeks), they have a lot of incentive to deny me! To fully understand the benefit of these medications you'd have to fully understand the devastating effects of a chronic autoimmune disease like BD, which is not something I'll get into in this post. Suffice it to say it is a life-altering disease, which steals away much quality of life from those who have it and the loved ones around them. There is no cure, and few adequate treatments.

So here's where it gets sticky: my rheumatologist suggested that he simply write into my chart a diagnosis that I don't have (such as Rheumatoid Arthritis) - one that is already on the label for the medications we are considering - so that I could be approved, receive the medication, and better control my symptoms thus improving our quality of life.

  

What would you answer?

This reminds me all too much of the warning we find in the book of Job:

"Be careful, do not turn to evil, for you have preferred this to affliction."

 ❖◆❖◆❖◆❖◆❖◆❖◆❖◆❖◆❖◆❖◆❖◆❖◆❖◆❖

Contrary to Popular Opinion

At one time or another we've all been excited to see a movie because of all the hype we've heard about it - only to be dismally disappointed. (I'm still sore about the fact that I lost two hours of my life to watching "Transformers 2.") In fact, it's gotten to the point where the more hype I hear about a movie, the less interested I am in seeing it. Some shows that are known as "classics" just boggle my mind for how they've stood the test of time (all I really remember from "Gone With The Wind" was that a snobby girl made herself a dress out of curtains. And there was a fire. Frankly my dear .....) In one setting or another I think we've all experienced that feeling of total befuddlement when what we were told to expect doesn't match up to the actual scenario -- and I don't think there's a difference when it comes to matters of faith.

If there's one thing I've learned from reading the Bible for myself, it's that it doesn't say 95% of what people say it says.

Put another way, there have been times that I've wondered if I'm even reading the same Bible as other people. I've heard the quotes fly ... I've heard the philosophies explained ... I've seen the examples of what people say are biblical traits .... only to become convinced I must be reading an alien translation.

You know what I think the #1 reason is for this? People don't read the Bible. Christians don't read the Bible. Oh they might read an individual verse or section here and there - maybe they even have it written in an elegant font overlaid on a beautiful sunset photo - but they don't read the Bible. Let me be more specific: People don't read the Bible first, and then come up with conclusions. We have conclusions in our minds and then read the Bible for passages to use for justification. There are few conversations that have ever occurred in which tiny snippets couldn't be extracted from their context, rearranged, and Frankenstein-ed into some conversation foreign to the original meaning. Imagine for a moment that someone went through your sent emails and only pulled individual sentences out and pasted them into a new email. What crazy things could be written in your own words?? I'm not saying that most people intentionally distort the Bible. I'm saying that anything taken out of context could be dangerous - and more often than not, things from the Bible are taken out of context. Most often we hear people talk about individual verses - or worse, parts of individual verses - but rarely do we ever hear people talking about the big picture. We have memory verses* coming out our ears (and mouths), and the shorter they are the better. But how often do we talk about the principles, the situation, the context behind those verses??

Every spring near graduation time I see all kinds of paraphernalia - like picture frames and keychains and coffee mugs - sporting the uplifting "Scriptural promise" to the new grads: "I know the plans I have for you,' declares the Lord. 'Plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." (Jeremiah 29:11) But do we EVER stop to wonder if God was actually talking to the present-day graduates from Yuba City High School when He said that?? Does it even apply to graduates, or newlyweds, or me? Does every verse in the Bible translate and apply directly to my life?

Are you shaking your head 'yes, it does' right now? OK, then try this on for size:

"Curse God and die." Job 2:9
"Continue in sin so that grace may increase." Romans 6:1
"You go, and do likewise." Luke 10:37
"Jesus said to him, 'What you are going to do, do quickly.'" John 13:27
OK OK OK ... so that was obviously an exaggerated example to prove a point. I don't hear many people going around preaching that we should curse God and die ..... but I do hear people seriously teaching all kinds of other things that are found nowhere in Scripture. How many times have we heard someone quote, "Thou shalt not judge" (which I personally think is the world's favorite Scripture), yet they never quote, "Judge with righteous judgment." Why is that?? Because they pick out the verse that suits their agenda and they fail to read the entire context. It's no wonder why some say the Bible is full of confusion and contradictions! A simple reading of the whole context is usually enough to dispel those allegations.  Some of the out-of-context things or matters of pure opinion that are believed/taught make no difference in the big picture of life. Whether or not a person believes that God used 6 literal 24-hour days or periods of time means nothing to my daily life (unless, of course, I make this matter of opinion an issue of fellowship; sadly this is done all too often). But what about the parts of Scripture that are sorely taken out of context and taught as a complete doctrine, when what the Bible teaches is drastically different?

.......

I just erased a big paragraph of examples that I had written. You know why? (a) This post is long enough already; but more importantly, (b) it's not about taking MY word for it. All I'm trying to do here is encourage people to read the Bible for themselves. All of it. Repeatedly. From different perspectives. We need to have the whole picture in mind before we have any business dissecting tiny parts of it. I am absolutely convinced that we - as a society (believers & not) need to take a loooong, hard, fresh look at what we've been convinced the Bible teaches. We need to be much slower to jump to the defense and longer to listen to those who have differing views. Whether or not you are a believer, reading the whole Bible for yourself will be one of the most "wait a minute!!!" moments you've had (and yes, I am also speaking to those who've read it many, many times. I could (and might?) write an entire post on the filters with which we approach the Bible.) The first time I ever read the Bible (before I even believed there was a god), my biggest impression of it all was: This doesn't teach at all what I've always heard that it taught. It's only been in the last couple years that I've been able to take a step back again and look at the Word of God afresh .... only to realize again - and even more so - that what I took in as "fact" was SO much more tradition and our culture than Scripture. I dare you ........ I triple dog dare you ...... to read the Bible for yourself.

And if right now all you are thinking about is all "those people" who have distorted and decontextualized Scripture, you've missed my entire point.

God is not the Author of confusion - yet we end up confused by the tidbits we have pulled out of context. We try to assemble a car while leaving half the pieces on the bench. I believe this is where the wisdom lies in the psalmist's statement, "The sum of Your word is truth." Jesus says that His yoke is easy and His burden is light. It is likely that if you feel weighed down by the demands & commands of Christianity that you have swallowed more tradition & manmade doctrine than you have ingested the pure & simple words of the Lord. I know I did, for several years. Peeling back the layers of tradition from the pure Word of God is the most liberating thing I've ever done! One thing I need to specify though, just in case I have left a wrong impression: I am not claiming to have the monopoly on understanding God's Word. I am only saying that the one thing I do know for sure is that in too many people's minds, we have inextricably woven the laws & opinions of man with the pure Word of God.

*I'm not saying that memorizing parts of Scripture is bad; it can be quite helpful in some situations. I'm saying we have dissected the Word as a whole so much that it is hardly recognizable when we try to reassemble all the bite-sized pieces.

The Faith of an Atheist

"Faith, hope and love...

But the dumbest of these is faith."

(Summarizing a common thought of atheists)

Recently I celebrated nine years of being in Christ. Wow! Where did the time go?? In some ways I look back and it seems like it flew by - like maybe it's only been a year or two. Could my life really be that different now? But other times it feels like my life "B.C." (yes, "Before Christ") was another lifetime ... eons ago ... a vague dream that's hard to remember when waking.

So when I look back, what do I see? I can confidently tell you one thing: I have truly learned the meaning of the saying, "The more I know, the more I realize I don't know." Things that used to be so obvious to me - things I accepted about my faith and Christianity as a whole - that seemed rock-solid in my mind have become anything but solid. Now don't get scared - I'm not doubting my faith or Jesus at all. In fact I can easily say my faith and my confidence in Jesus as the Son of God is firmer now than it has ever been. I'm just talking about the application of that faith. But .... I digress. That's not where I'm going today.

I've already written about some of the things that went into my journey from being an atheist to a follower of Jesus, but of course there's no blog post long enough to describe all of it! Right now I want to dive into a topic that to me - when I was an atheist - was the worst "f" word in the world: faith. <<shudder>> What a horrible thing. What a check your brain at the door kind of trait. Who would want to be known by their faith?? It's practically like boasting about how low your IQ is.

Isn't it??

At the ripe ol' age of 24, I began really questioning my beliefs and worldview. At that point I was a "card-carrying atheist" (well, if there had been a card to carry for being an atheist, I would have carried it. I at least had the obligatory "Darwin fish" on my bumper.) I was as far left as you can imagine ... and probably a tad farther. I was convinced that if everyone in the world just put on their thinking caps for 5 solid minutes and were willing to set aside millennia of Dark Ages lore, they'd quickly realize how absurd it is to believe in some big guy in the sky just talking things into existence or destroying them. (Kinda makes you think of Tim from Monty Python's "Holy Grail" movie, doesn't it?) I mean, that's on par with thinking that I can get to heaven because I've eaten some dead guy's flesh and drank his blood, or that a bunch of strong guys from another world come across a rainbow bridge to help us poor little humans by fighting with a super-tough hammer, or that life began on earth by aliens sending tiny bacteria cells hitchhiking on a rock from space to earth ..... oh wait, that last one really is a belief some atheists (like Steven Dawkins) hold. Never mind that one.

Aren't we supposed to be in the age of science by now? Isn't it time we all give up on these crazy "grown-up Santa Claus" fantasies of God and bite down on the cold, hard truth that there is no meaning to life and that we are just one big cosmic accident?? Wanting something to be true doesn't make it true. If it did, I wouldn't have to be going to the gym to trim my rumpus; because I want it thinner it would be.

But I soon had to come to grips with my own cold, hard truth: The fact that I had come to the point of wanting there to be no God - then I wouldn't be accountable to anything beyond my own selfish agenda - didn't mean that there wasn't a God. I had been living in a way that was consistent with my world view: nothing's wrong if everyone involved consents; survival of the fittest meant I should be concerned with "me and mine" only. But yet ..... in the still, dark quiet of the night .... there was always something eating away at me. Some deep voice inside me kept reminding me that no matter how I justified it, I knew that living like this wasn't right. I knew it. But that doesn't mean I'd admit it. So I tried to drown out that voice - literally. I poured enough alcohol over that voice to drown an elephant - yet it kept whispering. And despite an ever-increasing amount of numbing self-medicating, that voice grew steadily louder. And louder. And louder. It about drove me mad. Finally I came to a breaking point - quite literally. SOMEthing wasn't adding up in my life - but I didn't know what that was. All I knew is that what I rationalized in my mind did not jive with what my heart screamed. Finally, I caved. I decided to reexamine everything. And I mean everything. What I did for a living, where I lived, who I spent my time with, my politics, my worldview, my opinions on life and death and God and afterlife and faith and all that. Everything was on the chopping block. I made a wholehearted decision that I would examine everything with as little bias as I could manage. If after investigation I concluded my previous belief, then so be it. I'd stick with it. But if I came to a different conclusion ..... then everything would change. And I mean everything.

There was one thing above everything else that was the nail in the coffin of my atheism. Once I jumped this obstacle, I had to look at everything differently. Nothing was the same. "What's the difference," I asked myself, "between me reading my science textbooks and believing it, and me listening to my biology professors and believing them -- and a Christian who reads their Bible and listens to their preacher and believes them?" At first all the justifications flooded my brain, like "My textbooks are based on fact. There are proofs. There are experiments that prove the conclusions. There's physical evidence. A Bible is just written by a bunch of guys who didn't even know each other over thousands of years. And it's full of contradictions." However, in an effort to be true to my resolve to give everything a fair shake, I kept thinking it out. Soon I realized that my Biology textbook is in its 7th edition. Why do they revise science books? It's not just for updated graphics. It's because they've proven some things and disproven others, and new theories have come out. After all, isn't it called the Theory of Evolution? The plain fact of the matter is that when I read my textbook, I believe that those experiments actually happened as they were reported. I believe that the author wouldn't lie to me and publish bogus stuff. I believe that my professor teaches me what s/he has personally seen proven. But I never saw those things. I never saw that fossil. I take what I read and hear on faith. WHOA!!!!! Did I just say I had FAITH!?!?!! YIKES!!!!! If anyone ever hears me say that, they'll revoke my atheist card!!!!

But it made sense. And I couldn't shake that thought. I walked around all day thinking, "I have faith. I've had to have faith to believe in science. That just doesn't make sense. Yet it makes perfect sense." When it really comes down to it, doesn't everything we believe in take faith? Even what we see with our own eyes and touch with our own fingers takes faith that it is real - that we aren't hallucinating - that we're not out of our minds.

The moment I realized that I've had faith all along, suddenly Christians didn't seem so dumb. (Well ok, they were still pretty dumb but not totally dumb.) After all, isn't it all just a matter of where you place your faith? Not whether or not you have faith?

So at that moment I decided to give the Bible a fair chance. I would read it from cover to cover, without going on a witch hunt or with an agenda to prove it wrong -- simply just to read it and see what all the fuss was about. After all, I'd never read it. I'd made a lifetime of arguing against its validity, yet I'd never read it. The closest I'd come was to hearing the same chapter from the gospel of Luke recited every Christmas Eve service I was forced to go to, and in printing off lists from the internet about all the contradictions. But even that I took on faith, that someone was representing it truthfully. If I read the Bible and it was a bunch of hocus-pocus, then I'd set it back down and have even more ammunition for future debates. But if not ..... if it wasn't a bunch of hooey ...... then everything would change.

And believe me, it has. Oh how it's changed. And it keeps changing .......

"Faith, fact and proof...

But the cornerstone of these is faith."

More on the most important transitions in my life:

Epiphany #1

Epiphany #2

Epiphany #3

Why People Say, "I Don't Know How to Share My Faith" -- and Why I Don't Believe Them

In the eight years (almost 9!) I have been a follower of Jesus, I have heard many, many people say that they just don't know how to share their faith. In a nutshell, I just have to say that I don't believe that for a minute. Now, if you were to say that you don't know how to lead someone through the scriptures in order to teach them about Jesus and the impact He should have on our daily life, I might believe you a smidgen more - but even with that I think there are too many holes. For starters, do you have a biblical basis for your hope of eternal life? Have you studied the Bible enough to have a simple understanding of what you believe? Well, why couldn't you share that with someone?

Let me start by saying this: I am not judging anyone's heart or saying that they are liars or anything like that. I promise. I am simply saying that too many people have been convinced that sharing Jesus is for a 'select few' people who have a 'special calling' from God and even fewer who have the special pedigree or training in order to follow out their calling. Frankly, that's hooey. There is no biblical basis for those beliefs. "But wait!" you say. "What about the verse that says 'He gave a few to be evangelists'??" Well .... biblically speaking, what is an evangelist? It's someone like the apostle Paul, whose full-time vocation was to travel around doing what we today might call "church planting." (However, I hate to use that term. Our goal is not to plant churches -- our charge is to sow the seed of Jesus, and then God would cause the increase, and to those who turn their lives to God, Jesus would add them to His church. So a church is not the goal - it is a byproduct.) Paul travelled around speaking the Word of God wherever he went. He would sometimes accept money from Christians to support himself, but many times he would work in his tent-making trade so as not to be a burden where he was. I believe the longest he was in one spot was 2-3 years. Hardly what we have today with lifetime professional preachers staying in one spot preaching to believers. But we have accepted this professional clergy mindset, believing that it takes some seminary degree in order to preach. What a divergence with what we see in scripture!! In the New Testament we see that those who stuck by Jesus and learned from Him went everywhere speaking in His Name!!  In fact, when everyday people spoke with the wisdom of Christ, it astonished the hearers. We read, "Now as [the Jewish leaders] observed the confidence of Peter and John and understood that they were uneducated and untrained men, they were amazed, and began to recognize them as having been with Jesus." When you talk, can people recognize that you have been with Jesus? Do we still trust that God's word is our power? "I am not ashamed of the gospel, for it is the power of God for salvation to everyone who believes!" We can too often rely on our own wisdom and strength and forget that it is only the gospel & power of God that will convict people's hearts. Not doctorates of theology. Not masters of divinity. The gospel, the whole gospel, and nothing but the gospel.

So if our first hang-up is that we have accepted the false idea of the professional clergy mindset, the second mistake we make is believing that only certain, specially-called people need to be sharing their faith. Yet the NT says, "You are a chosen race, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, a people for God's own possession, so that you may proclaim the excellencies of Him who has called you out of darkness into His marvelous light." If we understand that every Christian is a priest and every Christian is part of God's holy people, then we have to also understand that we were each saved in order to proclaim His excellencies. And again, "As for me, the nearness of God is my good; I have made the Lord God my refuge, that I may tell of all Your works." And what about what we all call "The Great Commission?" Do we really believe that is our commission - individually? Do we live our lives and view every interaction with every person in our lives as our opportunity to "go into all the world and preach the gospel to all creation?"

Related to the "experienced only need apply" mindset, what about this: do you know someone personally whom you would describe as a person dedicated to sharing Christ & has produced fruit from it? Do you know someone who has a passion for sharing a relationship with Jesus? Would you say they are "good at it?" Well then, have you asked them to teach you how they do it? There is a very real reason I ask this. My husband is known by virtually everyone as a passionate sharer of Christ. He has sown the seed of the kingdom countless times & in countless ways. He lives & breathes to speak of the love of Jesus. Many, many people are now children of God as a direct result of what he has shared with them. Yet, of all the people who have said, "I can't share Christ like you can. I'm no good at it - I just don't know how" -- not one of them have ever asked Danny personally to help them learn. And even those who claim that their one special gift is hospitality (which I still have yet to find in scripture) and that Danny's gift must be teaching, not one of them have come to him and said, "I'm not good at teaching, but I'm good at hosting. So would you mind if I host the people and you come over and teach? Oh, and also, while I'm there with you while you teach, I desire to learn to teach also. Will you help?" If you defined the word "gift" by most people's usage of it, you'd come to see that it's really just a synonym for "comfort zone."

Besides all of that, here is the #1 reason I don't truly believe people who say, "I don't know how to share Christ":

Guys: if you were driving past a car lot and saw this:

What would you do? How excited would you be?? Say you assume (as most of us would) that it was a scam - there's no way something that good would be available that cheap. But you stop in to talk to the salesman anyway. That's when you find out that for only $1 period -- no strings attached -- you can hand over four quarters and drive home a Dodge Viper in mint condition. But then you learn that there is a whole FLEET of these Vipers available -- you can call everyone you know and they too can get a new Viper for only $1!! Let me ask you this, would you know how to tell your friends about this UNBELIEVABLE opportunity??? My guess is, you would. You don't have to have a degree from MIT in mechanics to explain to your friend how awesome this car is. On the odd chance that your friend has never heard of a Dodge Viper, don't you think you'd be able to explain the pure awesomeness of this vehicle??

Now, ladies - (and yes, I realize I am being totally stereotypical here) .... imagine you saw the following advertisement:

Imagine that you hear of a company that provides:

• The planning, prep & clean-up of 3 meals a day, from a custom-made menu of your choice
• Full-service professional house cleaning, done at least once a week
• Professional landscaping and yard maintenance, including fresh-cut flowers & home-grown vegetables on your table daily
• On-call masseuse to relieve the stresses of your day

All of this for the total cost of $1 a year. Period. Would you snatch it up?? What if you then kept reading and saw that the company employs hundreds of workers and can service thousands of homes for the same low price? Would you know how to get every one of your friends on the phone and tell them about this??

Now, guys and gals, imagine that you saw on these advertisements that although there's no limit to how many people can take advantage of this offer -- the offer could cease to be available at any moment. Without notice, the company could stop advertising and the sports car and household services would go back to their regular price, which is way more than you could ever afford. How would you describe your level of urgency to get this message across to all of your friends? How would you tell them not to put off looking into this? Wouldn't you want to tell everyone you could, as fast as you could?

How much more urgency should we have in sharing the Way to receive eternal life? Although Jesus is offering the free gift of His grace, without any notice at all we could be at the end of our life and standing before the Judge, and we will have to explain to Him why His unbelievably good offer was not worth our consideration. And, I also believe that we will have to give an account to Jesus why we were excited to tell our friends about a good sale on laundry detergent at WalMart, but we never told that friend about the free gift of eternal life.

I hope if you're reading this and you too have said, "I don't know how to share my faith," that you don't feel like I'm beating you up or calling you a liar. I really am not. I'm simply trying to help us all take a step back and look at the situation logically. Our job is not to "convince" someone to believe what we believe - our charge is simply to share with them why we believe what we believe. Do you have a reason for your hope? Do you have a changed life? That is what we are supposed to share! Jesus once healed a demon-possessed man and then told the man, "Go and tell what great things the Lord has done for you, and how the Lord had mercy on you." That's all the man knew. Isn't that enough?