Rewind #21: Life, and Stuff

Original air date: 29Mar2010

Well good morning! It’s been a while, hasn’t it? It’s unfortunate because there’s been all kinds of things going on that I would have liked to have written about - but life has just been too busy to allow for blogging. (Somewhere in the middle would be nice!) Our most recent adventure was a couple days spent at a little bed & breakfast on the coast up near Ft Bragg, CA (that’s where the flower pics came from - the garden out front of the house at the B&B.) It was a really nice getaway ... right up until the moment I got knocked underwater by a rogue wave -- with my iPhone in my pocket. :( Needless to say, please don’t be sending me any texts anytime soon - I won’t be getting them. So *anyway* - on to cheerier topics! I am thankful and excited to be able to report that I have been feeling much better recently! My worst round of bronchitis ever has finally receded and I back to nearly business as usual. (I wish my poor hubby could kick his cough once and for all though.) I actually went three weeks without any pelvic pain last month -- which is *quite* the record for me in the last many many months (like a year or better.) It’s come back now - in fact, that’s the reason I’m writing this at such a wee hour, I was up and saw every hour on the hour last night, tossing and turning due to a symphony being played by GI cramping, “girl” cramping, and my hips aching. Since I was just laying there staring at the ceiling since about 4:30am, and I had already had a good long conversation with God (those quiet hours of the night are sure great for that,) I figured I may as well get up and get a cup of coffee in me before I meet my friend LaDona here in about 15 minutes to (re-)start our morning walking again. Ahhh, wouldn’t it be nice if Jack had to be at work at 10 -- then we wouldn’t have to go out so early! ;)

So while Danny and I were enjoying the beautiful scenery of the drive and the great company we had (at least that *I* had,) we were having our usual deep conversations about life. One of my favorite things about our relationship is how much sharing and talking and dreaming and analyzing and solving all of the world’s problems that we do. In fact, our whole dating experience is defined by the hours and hours and houuuuurs we spent talking! During the drive yesterday I asked myself a very interesting question, something I had never considered before. It’s one of those questions that really is hypothetical, since my answer one way or the other would change nothing, it’s just interesting to think about. Here’s the question: Do I think I got a “fair trade” for my life, from the life that I had planned on and worked towards and was in the process of living (basically, everything I considered “normal” back then - working as a goldsmith, being very physically active, really being quite healthy,) to what now defines my life? Would I say it was a “fair trade,” that I got the “short end of the stick,” or that I got “the better end of the deal?”  I considered the ‘cons’ of my life - the constantly being sick, seeing umpteen doctors regularly and taking umpteen medications daily, all the things I can’t do or end up having to cancel, being hospitalized 5 times in 5 years and facing all the new unknowns about the most recent additions to the disease repertoire ... with the pros of my life, first of all that I get to spend virtually all of my time with my best friend, we are able to focus our time and energy (what I do have) to first and foremost our work in the kingdom. I had to think about the answer a lot less than I thought I would have to. The simple answer is, although there are many very difficult aspects of my life, I really wouldn’t change a thing. I love my life and consider myself really having the better end of the deal. Although I never would have picked this course for my life, I am thankful for what God is doing in my life and the ways that He is shaping me. I have learned things and grown in ways I never could have during my “old life.” I know that my ways are not God’s ways, and that His plan is always better than I could imagine. Of course it doesn’t take me agreeing with Him to make that true, but embracing His plan with an open and moldable heart sure makes a difference in the quality of my life! So thinking about all of this actually led to me thanking God for my illnesses and my conditions this morning, because without them I would not be where I am at now. So many people look back and have regrets about their lives, but that is just somewhere my heart doesn’t go. I know that every terrible decision I made and every way that I jumbled up my life has been rolled together with every *right* decision I made and every way that I have grown to make me the person I am today. If I went back and changed any of that, I would change where I am at now - and that is nothing I am willing to consider. I can honestly say that I have never been truly happier ever before. I might have been more playful or joyful or giggly at times, but I have never had the true spiritual peace, comfort and contentment that I have now. As the apostle Paul said, “I have learned to be content in whatever circumstances I am ... I know how to get along with humble means, and I also know how to live in prosperity; in any and every circumstance I have learned the secret of being filled and going hungry, both of having abundance and suffering need. I can do all things through Him who strengthens me.” Phil 4:11-13

Anyway, it has been such a while since I updated this, so I just wanted to jump on here and say hello. Hope you all are doing well! God bless. ♡

Rewind #20: A Man's Word

Original air date: 10Mar2010

How would you finish that sentence? “A man’s word is” .... his bond? His oath? His worth? A man is only as good as his word? I would probably agree with that last one. (And just so we’re clear, here I’m using the term “man” as in “mankind” or “humankind” ... substitute “guy” or  “girl” or anyone in particular for it. I’m talking universally.)

The interesting thing about my last few years is that I feel I have crossed over some invisible boundary. I didn’t notice it at the time, there was no “coming of age” celebration or a rite of passage I had to do, like eating eye of newt ‘and now I am a woman’ or anything, it has just slowly happened with time. There’s a funny phrase that I never used to understand that goes, “The older I am, the smarter my parents get,” that now I get. I mean that in terms of my physical parents, in terms of the generations before me, and in terms of general worldly wisdom. There are some things that make more sense to me now than they ever have before, and some things I appreciate more than I ever have. It just means that we really *don’t* have the world as figured out as we think we do in college, that yes - everyone really does go through that at that age, and no - your parents really didn’t spend the last 60 years sitting in a closet. They actually might have life experience that you just might be able to learn from. But don’t worry, they understand that too - after all, they felt the same way about their parents at that age. ;-)

One of those things I have come to appreciate is the strength of a person’s word. Can you trust what they say? Always? Do you ever have to wonder if they are just saying what they think you want to hear?? The more life experience I get the more I realize what it is worth to be able to depend on someone’s word at face value, and also the consequences of what it means if I cannot depend on it. Unfortunately this has come to light all too clearly recently, and it has just broken my heart. (Don’t worry, Danny and I are *fine* - it has nothing to do with that.) When a person can look you in the eye (or at least address you directly) and give you calm assurances of something, when you later realize that those words were only meant to soothe you and there was no truth in them at all -- what does that do for the next time that person tries to assure you of something? Even if it was just a one-time offense, there is still a mark there left in the memory. When a person is known for that characteristic, well then it becomes a filter through which you always view that person and their words. 

There are those on the opposite side of the pendulum that struggle with “too much” honesty -- in perhaps knowing how to address someone on a sensitive topic in a caring way, or knowing when to even say nothing at all. This type of person used to be my biggest concern, because of how many times I had been hurt by an abrasive approach. More and more experience in life has revealed to me that while we could always look back and write and rewrite our speeches to one another to word it better, more often than not I would have to hold up my own hand and admit that when I was being addressed about a sensitive topic and then complained about the delivery, there really was never an approach “compassionate” enough to avoid my wounded ego blaming the deliverer for the fact that I simply did not want to hear the correction being offered. But which is easier, to admit that I don’t like to receive correction, or to throw flaming arrows at the messenger for having the audacity to come to me about such a sensitive issue?? Which is done more frequently? And how often is the content of the message completely deflected on account of an attack on the delivery boy? In my experience, *far* too often. I can probably count the number of times I have overlooked a poor delivery (or actually even a mediocre one) to open my heart to the message being said. In our culture of “offend no one at all costs” and of “political correctness for all,” I applaud the person who still has the guts to have difficult conversations with a friend. They are hardly ever received well, and almost always the character of the messenger is assaulted for being unloving, uncompassionate, self-righteous or even hypocritical. Don’t we even go to the extreme of pointing out completely unrelated “faults” in the messenger, hoping that it absolves us of a responsibility to hear the message? Ahhh, the lengths we will go to in order to preserve our self-made view that we are perfect just the way we are, and it’s the *world* that has to change. 

In my recent life I have challenged myself to be more of an approachable person, especially when it comes to sensitive issues of correction. Do we think of ourselves as someone a friend could approach, if they had a concern to talk to about us? Is this view of ourselves actually grounded in history - or do we just *want* to be the approachable kind of person? If we asked our spouses or our family or our friends if they would be comfortable coming to talk to us about an issue they knew would be sensitive, what would they say? I have to honestly admit that my poor husband has lived with a wife who was not open to those kinds of conversations for far too long. It has really become emblazoned on my heart and I am working (with the help of God’s Spirit) to become the kind of person I desire to be, and it’s not easy. I know the struggle of the flesh and of pride all too well. But my motivation is that at the end of the day, I want my loved ones to know that *I* know that I am not perfect. I do, however, know the One that is, and I am trying day by day to live more like Him - and I know that along that road I may often need to stop and get directions from others walking the same path. Just because they help and offer me directions doesn’t mean that they think they’ve already arrived, but it just might be they can recognize a poor shortcut when they see one. Instead of shooting the messenger, claiming that ‘until they have reached perfection how dare they help me get there,’ shouldn’t we be paying more attention to the actual message? And I daresay that offering sincere gratitude to the messenger would go a long way too. Face it, we don’t really have all that much practice in talking to one another about gut-deep topics, so when we actually try it we might leave a lot to be desired. But we’re all trying. And I would rather know that when someone says something to me, of all the things that go through my head, whether or not that person is being truthful should not be one of them. It might be more uncomfortable at the time to tell people the truth instead of what you think they want to hear, but in the long run you will be a LOT better off for it. When have you ever looked back and been glad that someone did that to you?

Just some food for thought.

Rewind #18: Right on the Money

Original air date: 18Feb2010

"She’s bulls-eye perfect, she’s right on the money ..." (Alan Jackson)

I dedicate this song to ....... me.

Now, before you become all appalled at my narcissism, give me a minute to explain. 

It’s sometimes a temptation to think that something is wrong with us if we don’t live up to some standard of perfection that is generally adopted by our society - but never ever reached. *No* one “has it all” - not even the people we put up on a pedestal for those measures of success. Sure, we look at the magazine rack and see all of those perfectly-sculpted human figures, and suddenly we feel crappy about ourselves. (Marketers of course like it that way, because then we’ll buy the “look better” product that model is selling that you know she has never once used.) But you know what? I have a simple fix for that entire epidemic of low self-esteem in America. One company came *close* to a fix, but weren’t quite thorough enough. I believe that in the 7th grade EVERY child should have their portrait taken by a professional photographer and then be given a 2-day course in Adobe Photoshop. With entry-level proficiency at the most basic Photoshop techniques, I think every child should be given the raw picture file that was taken, and within 3 hours they will be able to transform that picture into something that looks remarkably like the cover of that magazine. One of the most self-esteem boosting moves I ever did was learn Photoshop. Guess what? I really CAN have perfect skin!! I really can have a longer neck, less there, more there, and perfectly white teeth. I think this exercise should be repeated about every 10 years throughout our lives, just to remind ourselves how much of the standard of perfection in America is nothing but smoke and mirrors.  But I have digressed.

In my particular case, it could be easy (and at times it *has* been easy) to think of my health issues and determine that something about me is broken, wrong, or less than perfect. It might be tempting to think that God made a mistake on me, or forgot about me altogether. But on the way home today I was listening to this song by Alan Jackson and was reminded of one simple truth: I am exactly how God made me at this moment. As a friend once reminded me, God was not surprised when biopsy or blood test results came back. God always knew this would happen to me -- and the fact that it IS happening is proof that this is all part of God’s will. 

Now I am not as bold as some who presume to know the mind of God, and so I cannot say that “God gave me” these conditions. But I can say they are in His will, since they are happening. I think of Job, who Satan inflicted with terrible hardships to test his faithfulness to the Lord. God did not directly give Job those trials, but He allowed them to happen because they served a bigger purpose. My faith says that on some level, that is what God is doing with me. God has created me exactly the way He wanted me to be. God has allowed everything that has come into my life, and I know He is powerful enough to use it ALL to work together for good for those that love Him .... and I love Him.

Rewind #17: Blessing the Broken Road

Original air date: 17Feb2010

Every long-lost dream
Led me to where you are.
Others who broke my heart,
They were like northern stars
Pointing me on my way
Into your loving arms.
This much I know is true:
That God blessed the broken road
That led me straight to you ....

"God Bless the Broken Road" --Rascal Flatts 

Just ask my husband - I cannot watch a movie without guessing a hundred times how the movie’s going to end. I am constantly saying things like, “Watch out behind that door! There’s a bad guy waiting!” or, “Ohh I don’t trust that guy. They’re only making us like him because he’s gonna turn out to be a terrorist.” or, “I’m tellin’ ya, this girl helped plant the bomb.” .... you know, stuff like that. (Did I just give away what kind of movies we watch most?? OK, so we watch WAY too much “24,” what’s your point?) ;-) I guess I’m kinda like Dr. House - I get enough of my guesses right that Danny threatens to not watch with me anymore ... but for each correct guess I have, I have 99 wrong guesses.

Ain’t that life?? I tell ya, I could never have guessed the path of my life. I would never have believed you if you came up to me 10 years ago and said simple truths from my life. I would never have believed that not only would I be a Christian, but I would have SUCH a fire for Christ that I would give anything to be able to share with any person that would listen for 5 minutes the unbelievable change that Christ has made in my life. I would have pointed to the little “Darwin fish” decal on my truck bumper back then and snidely said, “Yeah right.” If you would have told me that by the age of 25 I would have a college degree, two divorces, and a life-changing autoimmune disease that would force me to work my last day on the job less than two years later, I would have told you that you were off your rocker. I would also never have believed that one day I would have the kind of husband that makes me feel like I will NEVER be able to repay the love and the dedication that he shows to me on a daily basis, having stood with me through thick and thin, high and low - and that I would feel humbled nearly every time I looked at him. I wouldn’t have believed that I would find and marry a man of such worth.

Believe me, before I was a Christian I looked for love in all the wrong places - and not surprisingly, I found the fish native to the ponds in which I was trolling. It took changing the fishing pond, the bait and the standards for what was a keeper and what was strictly catch-n-release before I found the man that is the catch of a lifetime. Danny and I have never hidden that we have had our ups and downs since we were married in January of 2005, but I can say easily that we have never been stronger than we are now. God has blessed me beyond measure with my husband, and I am humbled and inspired by the kind of agape-love he shows for me. 

Both Danny and I admit that we each came into this marriage with no small amount of baggage. I like to think I simply had a carry-on while he was hauling his Air Force duffel bag, (which is NO small bag) ... but I know that’s simply not true. I practically had to have a bellhop follow me around the first years of our marriage just to make sure I wouldn’t lose track of any of my baggage. Well, item by item and prayer by prayer, Danny and I continue to set down that baggage and determine together never to pick it back up again. As painful as creating that baggage was, I *know* that it was exactly those experiences that built Danny and me into the people we are today. Without those experiences, we wouldn’t have the depth of relationship we have today. As this song truly says, I wholeheartedly believe that every thing along my broken road was leading me and preparing me for Danny -- and so wishing away any part of my past would wish away my present.

So here’s the real sticking point to that train of thought -- if I say that I trust that the Lord was always looking out for me, preparing me and discipling me for the blessings of my life now, knowing that without those difficult experiences I would not be the person I am today .... then wouldn’t the same hold true for my present and my future? Isn’t the God I serve today the same God that loved me back then, even before I loved Him? Why would I ever think, then, that my current trials aren’t all the more preparation for blessings I can not imagine and would not believe anyway awaiting me in my future?? I desire a faith that not only looks back and gives thanks, but one that looks forward and trusts.

Now I’m just rolling home, into my lover’s arms ....

This much I know is true, that God blessed the broken road that led me straight to you

Rewind #13: The Conversation EVERY Married Couple Should Have

Original air date: 10Feb2010

I’m really trying not to make this blog a moment-by-moment account of my life ... I guess that’s a lot of the difference between Facebook and a blog - I’ve determined that this blog would be for more of my “deeper thoughts” and more in-depth discussions (even if they are just one-way!) But something happened this evening with my hubby that I really want to pass along - and really, something I’d recommend every married couple should do.

It all started with a conversation about speakers. It morphed into a conversation about ways that we have permanently changed each other, where even after the other spouse is gone, the effect would remain. I am going to keep as a special treasure in my heart the different ways that Danny said I have impacted him (and vice versa,) but all I can do is recommend that all spouses take the time to tell each other the things we usually don’t. Too often we tend to take for granted that our spouse just *knows* that they are our best friend, or that we are proud of them, or that we respect them, or that they make us happy or we appreciate the work they do ... and on & on & on!! That’s one of the big things I’m learning from the “Love & Respect” book we are reading - that we need to actually say those words to each other! Women: when was the last time you told your husband that you were proud of him? That you respected how hard he worked and all the sacrifices he’s made for the family? When do we think to actually say those words? Don’t we take for granted that he knows it? I hope the guys will think about how often he has told his wife that he loves her & enjoys spending time with her, that he thinks she is the prettiest girl in town, and he appreciates how hard she works, and that he loves how she is raising the kids... stuff like that. Whatever our day-to-day life is, that is typically the stuff we overlook showing appreciation for. I always want my husband to be convinced without a doubt that he is the most amazing man on the planet to me - and I know I have a long ways to go in expressing enough of my feelings about that. He needs to know that in an entire room full of men, he would be the ONLY man to stand out of the crowd to me. He has forever changed my life, and I hope I am thoughtful enough to tell him that! You know what’s weird??? I have even thought about what I would say at his --funeral--, yet I don’t think I’ve ever told HIM. I resolve to tell him soon. 

Again, just food for thought.

Rewind #11: Things That Make Me HAPPY

Original air date: 6Feb2010

You might consider this a continuation of the entry: Some of the good things!, or you just think of it as a Happy List. My life is filled with some absolutely AMAZING things, and there are opportunities to be filled with joy & happiness at every turn ... so I wanted to share a few of them with you! I once read about a woman that kept a “happy box” ... it was filled with all kinds of little things that made her happy. It might be dried flowers from a special event, a meaningful card from a friend, a hilarious comic she ran across ... anything that would make her smile if she looked at it while feeling a little blue. Think of this blog entry as my happy box! (And since I covered all the deeper spiritual stuff before, this is just the kind of stuff that can make me smile during the day.) :)

First, a good song. There are SO many songs that are just GREAT to sing along to in the car. Sun shining, my windows down and sunroof open, my radio up & singing at the top of my lungs, complete with funny looks by the people in the car next to me at the red light. But that’s alright ... I’ve seen that look before, and I’ll see it again. Here are some songs that are absolutely impossible to sing along to and stay in a blue mood:

“Loco” by David Lee Murphy. Now just TRY to
say you can sing along to that with the windows down
and the sun shining and NOT be instantly in a
better mood!!

Fun fonts. I *really* hope these are showing up
on your computer too ... because few things about
working on a computer are more fun for me that cool fonts. Believe me, Danny hates it when he has to get on my computer for something ... he thinks I make “everything all weird.” :)

I like calla lilies, daisies, and anything other flower brave enough to
bloom in my yard. I love horseback riding and I love birds. I have had
several little hand-fed cockatiels and really enjoyed them! Unfortunately,
they aren’t the cleanest of pets. :( Other happy things are: the color red,
artsing, craftsing, and creating anything with my hands; cross stitching,
learning new things - like sewing, which is the most recent thing to be
added to my repertoire. And yes, I like spell check, which enables me to use words like "repertoire."

You don’t have to know me very long to know that one of the things I
enjoy the most about life is a good excuse for a gut-busting laugh. I
can’t think of many things in life that aren’t made better by some humor &
learning to take myself a little less seriously. Got a great joke? Share it with me! Know a
funny quote? I like to collect those too. This is one of the reasons I enjoy comedy movies so much (plus the fact that they are a GREAT excuse to cuddle with Danny on the couch.) Danny & I tease each other that we talk in movie lines more than we talk in actual invented conversation. You’ll hear us often quoting from shows like 24, Dumb & Dumber, Kung Fu Panda,  House, Honeymooners ...... well shoot, we quote just about anything we can remember!! There’s also another habit we have when we watch movies that is hilarious to us and I’m sure annoying as can be to anyone sitting with us: we LOVE to talk, criticize, guess, advise and jab our way through the shows! Danny says it’s like Mystery Science Theatre ... but since I’ve never seen it, I can’t confirm or deny that. ;-) We watch movies so much and so many times that we say that the next thing we’re going to do is start watching the shows on mute and we’ll make up our own dialogue. 

My life is filled with ALL KINDS of good things ... all I’ve done here is scratch the surface of things I enjoy. I hope to continue to post things I like and bring a little joy to this blog. Right now I am surrounded by a few of my favorite things in my life: my husband (who is my best friend) is sitting right next to me -- (even if he is asleep, making cute little partial conversation-sounding noises;) a semi-warm cup of really sweet coffee and a homemade dark chocolate thingy that my mom made on the end table next to the couch, and of course, the world of my friends sharing their lives with me through the wonders of things like Facebook ... as I wind down from a day of worshipping the Lord and spending time with my church family - with the bonus of knowing that my Mom & Dad will be in town soon and I’ll get to spend time with them and my sister this week. What a night! It is easy for me to see that I am blessed and my cup overflows.

Hope you guys are having a most fabulous day!!

Rewind #9: The Shoes I'm Wearing

Original air date: 2Feb2010

I see life from my own point of view and more often than not think I’m right. I don’t think this is particularly narcissistic or unique to me, it’s just life. I think that’s how we all work, really -- and anybody who claims anything else is either lying, or they’ve spent a lifetime training themselves to put others before self. Even when I try to think about a situation through someone else’s eyes, all I’m really doing is putting their sunglasses on over my own eyeballs. I mean, REALLY, is it truly possible to see life from someone else’s genuine perspective? I don’t think so. At best we look through what we imagine their perspective to be. But we don’t carry the years of associations that person has into a particular situation, so it’ll always be a shallow version of their perspective.

Nothing drives this point home more than being married. A “situation” comes up, and I immediately default to “I’m right.” This stance has different variations, including “My feelings were hurt first,” “I have a better reason for my poor behavior,” “This is one of those times I need your benefit-of-the-doubt,” and “HOW could he be so selfish?!” It sometimes amazes me how long it takes for me to work myself out of one of these positions. Sometimes I put *just* enough thought into the other point of view to determine that, if *I* were in his shoes, *I* would have been able to excuse the poor behavior and in fact I would have brought home a bouquet of calla lilies to him. It’s only when I’m realllly motivated that I continue past that point and realize that yes, I was in fact being a jerk. And yes, in fact, he did have the right to be hurt and expect my apology -- and NOT the kind of 6-year-old pouty mom’s-making-me-say-sorry-so-SORRY, sorry. A real, ‘I didn’t mean to be so selfish and I’ll try to be a grown-up next time’ kind of sorry.

So I guess here’s my point: I don’t know that I can ever spend TOO much time trying to walk in someone else’s shoes. Mine fit so well and are so comfortable that it’s hard to want to get out of them, but sometimes the souls of others are worth walking in ... and not just for their benefit. I can’t remember a time that I felt worse off for putting someone else first. Even if they took advantage of my niceness or didn’t even commend me for doing it, I really can’t go wrong by doing more of it. I guess it’s just an area of constant effort and - hopefully - progress, by the grace of God. After all, if I even sit and think for a moment of all the terrible things I’ve been forgiven of, a snappy comment or poorly timed criticism really AREN’T that big of a deal in the big picture, now are they??

Rewind #8: Some of the Good Things

Original air date: 1Feb2010

It might be easy to draw an incorrect conclusion. By reading through these last few posts, you might get to thinking that all I think about are things related to my health [or the lack of,] or the struggles I am having. While it’s true that I *am* at a pretty crucial point with a lot of those things -- I am on the verge of making some decisions that are going to affect the rest of my life -- I am surrounded EVERY DAY by some WONDERFUL things in this world! Unable to be topped by anything is the fact that God answered me when I decided to seek Him with my whole heart, according to His truth. He has been knocking at my door for many, many years, and I finally answered the door and He came in! I can’t explain the same thing that couldn’t be explained to me when I was an atheist - and that is the peace that passes all understanding. I know that the cross is a stumbling block to some and foolishness to others, but to me it is God’s power to salvation. No disease, no hormone, no injection or surgery or therapy can ever take that away. I know that God has given me the freedom to walk away from Him at any time, but He has given me too many reasons to stay.

Beyond that I have an AMAZING husband who has loved me from the beginning and has stood by my through EVERYTHING. And that’s a LOT. This is the man who has wrapped my hands with gauze, done countless trips to the pharmacy or to the dr’s office for me and with me, he has slept many nights in the back of our Blazer parked in the hospital’s parking garage because the night nurse was enforcing visiting hours. Danny has had the guts and the love to stand up to me when I stood too tall; loving hands that have always caught me when I was falling; and feet that have always stood beside me. He has weathered the storms of Prednisone and Lupron ... which were NO small feat. He allows me to be me, while helping me grow into a better me.

Even though I went years without truly appreciating what an amazing family I have, I am now wholeheartedly convinced that my family is knit together tighter than most, and I have blessing after blessing flowing from that spring. I continue to grow closer & closer to my sisters and my parents, and I love how these relationships are deeper than ever -- not to mention the family I inherited when I married Danny, which includes everyone from Chris & Kayla to Danny’s mom, Mama Stroud, his amazing sisters & hilarious brothers (I’ve been told many times to always have a lock on the suitcase if you’re staying at their house,) plus nieces like Misty and Tonya and all of the other wonderful McNeals! It is only by their warm welcoming into the family that I know I would be at home wherever they are, whether TN or FL or TX or beyond.

There has also been an entirely new family I have been adopted into, and that is the family of God - the church. Ever since the Lord added me to His church on March 16, 2003, I have been blessed by the love and support of my family in Christ. I really can’t overemphasize the encouragement they have been! I have developed some of the closest friendships I have ever had in the church ... but I SO hesitate to name names because I have grown SO close to SO many people, but if my brain misfires and I forgot to write a name of a person that was really important to me, I would just die. But I know my closest friends know who they are. :)

I am blessed to have the medical coverage and healthcare that I have. Of all the places in the world, (that kinda sounds like, “of all the gin joints ...”) what were the odds of me being born in a country where I would have access to such things?? Why wasn’t I born in Zambia, where just getting a drink of clean water is a big deal??

I am reading several books that are blessing my life too:

• Danny and I are reading Love & Respect by Dr. Emerson Eggerichs. The book is based on Ephesians 5:33: “Each individual among you also is to love his own wife even as himself, and the wife must see to it that she respects her husband.” God has designed us so that the man’s deepest need is respect, and the woman’s is love, and this book is helping us embrace that & communicate it to our spouse. We are learning a lot about our marriage & communication!
• Michael J. Fox’s Adventures of an Incurable Optimist. The title’s use of the word “incurable” is a pun on the fact that he suffers from Parkinson’s Disease, an incurable condition -- but he refuses to let a devastating disease rob him of his joy of living. I highly recommend this to everyone, but especially those with health struggles.
• What’s Submission Got To Do With It? by Cindy Easley. It’s an “every woman” kind of book on embracing God’s design for a submissive wife. She talks about how our nature is to rise up and want to control things (see Genesis 3,) but that God has an order to everything He designs. Unfortunately the word “submissive” has been misused so many time to mean more like “subservient,” and it robs us of the nobility that being a true helpmate carries. I can’t watch a movie like The Cinderella Man, The Glenn Miller Story, Rocky, -- or any of the others where the man can NOT succeed until his wife wholeheartedly supports him, and think that being a helpmate is a second-class role! I like that the author writes it in such a way that you don’t feel dumb nor wicked if you struggle with putting away the thoughts of the world to embrace God’s way.
• Sick and Tired of Feeling Sick and Tired -- Living with Invisible Chronic Illness, by Paul Donoghue. It talks about the unique struggles of living with diseases that are invisible to the people around you -- sometimes even those closest to you -- and how it affects us differently that those battling conditions like cancer or being in a wheelchair ... anything that can be easily seen.

Sometimes it’s just a great habit to pause & look at all the countless things in my life that bless me FAR beyond what I deserve. God has TRULY been amazing to me!! In my next entry I will include a small list of scripture that serves to always be an encouragement to me. Depending on the day, this list could vary *widely* - but there are some that always lift me up. Stay tuned for those!

Rewind#2: Name, Rank & Serial Number

(Original air date: 25Jan10) The basics. Some would call that the “who, what, when, where and how” of a situation. Other times it’s called the jist. Some people simply say it’s an introduction.

But you’re reading my blog. Surely you’re not a stranger to me, right? I guess this IS posted on the “world wide web” ... but some random web surfer in Russia is NOT my target audience. This is geared towards my family and my friends ... so why would I be introducing myself? There’s several reasons .... for one, I just feel it’s a good starting place for this blog ... but more so, I guess it’s because we often take for granted how much we really know about our friends. A little while ago a line of quizzes went around Facebook that people made about themselves, and were called, “How well do you know ____ [insert your name here]?” Each person would make 5 or maybe 10 trivia questions about themselves that they considered to be basic info ... so why were so many of the average scores by even close friends less than 50%? Because what we think of as “basic info” about ourselves really hardly ever comes up in casual conversation. How many of you know where I went to college? What about what my major was? My favorite pet? Some people might know this, but most of you probably don’t. So here goes .... what I consider the basic cliff notes of “ME” .... what someone in the military might understand as just my “name, rank and serial number” - (which is what a soldier is trained to say when captured.)

I was born September 24, 1978 in Reno, NV. I lived in that same house til I moved away to college ... my parents still live there. I graduated from Galena High School in Reno in '96, and from there I went on to graduate from Boise State University with a bachelor's in Metal and Ceramics. I worked for several years as a goldsmith, and loved every minute of it! Up til that point in my life, I had always been an atheist and lived truly for the moment. A year after graduating, I then lived in Atlanta, Georgia, and was in the middle of my second divorce. My life was crumbling, and everything in my life was up for re-evaluation. For the first time ever, I decided to look into all the “hype” about God and the Bible - which I had always denounced fiercely, yet never actually read. Once I opened the pages of the Word, my life immediately came into clear view and I realized what I needed to do. On March 16, 2003, I was baptized into Christ and began an entirely new life, raised as a new creature. Praise God! I was then (& still now) living in Yuba City, CA, where I worked as a goldsmith an had a nice little life with my own apartment and being very active with the church. Well, God had better plans for me, and soon introduced me to the man who is now my husband - Danny - a Master Sergeant in the Air Force - and we were married on Jan 8, 2005. Well, another big surprise was brewing, and soon I was diagnosed with Behcet's Disease. Within a couple short years I was forced to quit working due to my health struggles. (We never can plan our lives, can we??) Danny retired from the AF in early 2008, and started his own photography business - McNeal Photography.

Now we spend all of our time together, working our best for the Lord and simply enjoying life. My most recent "adventure" is having been diagnosed with Endometriosis, and so now we are pursuing the treatments for it. These are big decisions that are literally going to affect the rest of my life. Right now much of my focus is on trying to decide which way to go -- which are some big factors that aren’t easy to weigh ... but there will be much more on that in other posts, I’m sure. 

So, I guess that's me in a nutshell! Now you at least know the cliff notes. :)