Original air date: 20Feb2010
... and no, I’m not talking about the bladder-kind of urgency. ;-)
This blog has been a place for me to mull over some of the struggles and trials I have been facing lately due to my health issues, and it has been a very beneficial outlet for me. I also think that this would be an appropriate forum for me to talk about some of the unique blessings that have come from those very same struggles.
First of all, let me start by saying I don’t think I’m dying. Don’t be alarmed by the song ... but I *do* think it’s an important analogy. I may not necessarily live each day “like I was dying,” but my mindset does adapt to appreciate the fact that I have no guarantee how healthy I will be in the future. Recently this line of thinking was sparked by reading one of my newest friend’s blog, and she wrote an entry about “Always Being Prepared.” It really hit the nail on the head as she talked about how having a disease like BD [she’s in the process of being diagnosed, which unfortunately is not a quick process,] can really change your perception of control. In a regular ol’ life, we have the illusion of control in just about every aspect of life. This was especially magnified before I was a Christian - before I understood just how truly fleeting life is. In our society, it is so easy to develop an “invincible” attitude ... which is especially contagious among the young, the healthy, and the financially stable. We tend to take for granted that because the average life span in the US is 78 (as of 2007,) that means we are guaranteed those 78 years. When people in their 40’s have emotional issues, what do we call it? A “mid-life crisis.” Well who says that 45 is your half-way point?? Isn’t that awfully presumptuous? We act like if only we eat salad often enough and are at least moderately physically active, then we are in control of our bodies and our health. And we can’t forget the illusion of having enough equity in your home, diversified stocks, and so-many months income put back in savings means we cannot be financially devastated. Well, I hate to say it but there is a poor joke saying that my high school wasn’t going to be able to have a 10-year reunion because there weren’t going to be enough people left to attend it, since tragedy after tragedy has claimed the lives of countless people I graduated with ... I am just one example of someone just cruisin’ along, fine and pretty healthy, and then out of the blue a disease comes along that turns my life upside-down ... and ask victims of things like Hurricane Katrina or the recent economy dive how secure their financial lives really were. The point is, nothing is really secure and anything & everything can be swept away in a moment’s notice. We can all intellectually acknowledge that, but I believe that it’s not until YOU get a personal taste of it in your life that it truly changes you forever. Survivors of cancer know what it’s like to have no guarantee of tomorrow and be forced to make peace with their mortality. Even with just a condition like mine, I acknowledge that I may never be healthier than I am today for the rest of my life. I have no guarantee of remission or of a treatment that is successful at managing things. So what do I do with that? I can either get depressed, which is certainly a temptation, or I can use that outlook to truly seize every moment in life as if it will never happen twice. It’s not necessarily about living impulsively ... I am not advocating a “do anything, regardless of the consequences” mindset, but I *am* advocating an outlook that says: If you ever have the opportunity to do something you’ve always wanted to do, TAKE IT, because that chance may never happen again. That is why I chose this picture of my mom (on the left) -- I absolutely love this picture! It might be one of my favorite pictures I’ve ever had of my mom! She has had health struggle after struggle (that make mine look like I’m dealing with the common cold,) yet she and my dad seized the opportunity to spend a month in Brazil with some new friends recently. They had SUCH a great time and made memories that I know will last the rest of their lives! They knew that the stress and demands of such an ambitious trip would most likely take a toll on her, but they also knew that another opportunity to go on a trip like this might never happen again. How great!! I thank God that they were able to take that trip and had so much fun while there. ((Maybe sometime we can go down there with them!))
Another benefit of “living like you are dying” is help prioritizing your life. We’ve probably all played the “What if?” game and asked ourselves, If I had one year left to live ... or 6 months ... or one month ... or 24 hours ... left to live, how would I spend that time? How would I change my life? One of the biggest ways that this has affected me has been in what I say and what I leave unsaid. I am trying not to assume that my family and friends know how I feel about them - I would rather say something to them from my heart that they already know than take the risk that it had never been said. I still have a long ways to go on this, but I am trying to get better and better about this.
But to me, the ultimate benefit of all of these struggles and trials and wins and losses associated with my health has been twofold: (1) I know that I have grown spiritually in ways and amounts that I could NEVER have done without facing these things. I have chosen to allow this to draw me closer to the Lord, and He will always reward that. I do not believe that because I have chosen to put my faith and trust in the Lord means that I will get out of trials (in fact, we are promised the opposite ...), but I believe that means God will help me during anything I have to face. What’s the saying? --loving God doesn’t get me out of struggles, but it gets me through them. And (2) I believe that having faced these things in my life has better equipped me to be able to relate to and help others that are struggling, and to help share with them the love of Christ. Have you ever been really down and had someone try to encourage you that you knew had never ever experienced anything close to what you were going through? You appreciate their love and effort, but when push really comes to shove, we want to talk with someone that has tasted our struggle ... and hopefully come through on the other side with shining colors. I am striving to be that person, that can say “I’ve walked through the valley of the shadow of death/pain/heartache and tears, and the Lord has made me to lay down beside cool waters in my soul, and with God as my shepherd I shall not want ...... and He will do the same for you.”
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