My Three Epiphanies - #1

In the 33 years that I have been alive, I would say that there have been three "discoveries" in my life that have changed everything. I don't mean discoveries in terms of penicillin, space shuttles or the internet (although Facebook comes close to qualifying) - I mean truths that I have discovered for myself that changed my life. Not only did my beliefs about things change, but my entire way of thinking had to change, as well as every thing about my life. I also don't mean that these truths are special or independent to me - as if I received a revelation unknown to mankind. In fact, these epiphanies are probably millennia old to the world; just new to me. But I don't use the term "epiphany" lightly.  So here they are:

1. There is a god.
More on this transition here: "The Faith of an Atheist"
The majority of people in the world accepted that there was at least some kind of higher power at work in the universe pretty much from the day they were born. But I didn't. This one took me 25 years to get. Although I grew up in a family that believed this, I never did. I was definitely a "5 senses" kind of person - if I couldn't see it, touch it, taste it, hear it or feel it (in the way I had defined), then it didn't exist. Oh now plenty of people would say "What about electricity? You can't see that, yet when you flip a switch the lights come on." -or- "What about the wind? You can't see the wind, you only see the effects of the wind." And frankly, I think those questions were just so cliché that I didn't really pay any attention to them. In fact I've never known of an atheist that was swayed in any way by them - even though they are good questions. I believe my atheism started out for two main reasons - the first was that there was no god standing in front of me face-to-face that I could ask questions of. (I mean really, people doubted Santa Claus, but at least he was at the mall once a year.)

The second was that my kid-brain way of testing the hypothesis of whether there was a god bore no fruit. I remember sitting on my bed at the ripe old age of 7, staring up at the white wood shutters over my window. I remember telling God that I would believe in Him all my life and do whatever He wanted me to do if only He would move my shutters. Just a little. He didn't have to unhinge them and make them float around the room or anything, just wiggle them a little. Then I'd be all His. I mean, surely a god that could create the universe could wiggle a kid's shutters, right? And surely He would want me to believe in Him, right? Well, my shutters never moved (as you might have guessed) and I went to bed disappointed. It wouldn't be until years later ... probably 20 ... that I would read how many people (and Satan) are recorded in the Bible asking God to do the same type things. I would never have guessed how many times people have said, "IF you are the Son of God..... command these stones to be turned to bread .... throw yourself off the temple and let the angels heal you ... take yourself down from the cross." And then what do they say? Then "we will believe in You!" And even while Jesus was on [mock] trial, the Jews again gave Jesus an "if" statement. But Jesus answered, "If I tell you, you won't believe." And guess what? They didn't.

So why do I bring these up? For one, to prove that I'm not the first person in history to tell God to prove Himself to me (and I know I won't be the last). And to prove that I'm not the first one God said no to. But why? Shouldn't He have given me every reason to believe? It's not like I was asking Him to destroy a race of people, and when Satan asked Him to turn those desert stones to bread, it's not like Jesus was taking those rocks out of the mouths of hungry people. So why not? Simply, we don't make the conditions by which God proves Himself. Try to think about this from God's point of view: if His claims are true, then He created the entire universe. He created planets and stars that we haven't even found yet. He created sea monkeys and T-Rex and hydrogen. He gives me life & breath. Yet I'm telling God that none of that is enough for me; that I will determine the evidence I need to believe. (i.e., "Thanks, God, for creating me - you just don't know what makes me tick and how I think.") Frankly I don't blame Him for telling us that creation alone give us every bit of evidence we need to believe in Him. If we choose not to, we can never look to God and say, "I know you created the cosmos for me, but since You didn't move my shutters when I asked, I didn't believe in You. Basically it's Your fault."

But for me, when life was fine and I was healthy and everything was going swimmingly, I really didn't see a need to look for a god. It wasn't until I was knocked flat on my back from the dumb choices I repeatedly made that I came to the conclusion there MUST be another way. That's when I decided to really check into matters of faith - not just from an unbeliever's standpoint (i.e., printing out lists of 'contradictions' in the Bible from the internet to debate with), but I needed to start reading stuff that claimed to be from God. It was only through that process that God opened my heart to see Him. I had to quit setting my own terms and approach Him on His terms. Have you tried that? Or are you still where I was? Frankly it's worth a shot and you have nothing to lose. But I will warn you, you have to be absolutely prepared for whatever you might find. If you go into any research with a slanted view, that's all you'll find (either way - religious or not.) We have to somehow get to the point where we go to the evidence with a mind that says, "If the evidence doesn't prove there is a god, then I won't believe and nothing changes. But if the evidence does point to God, then I have to be prepared for what that means for my life." If we don't plan on at least the possibility of change, then it's useless to research it. I now believe the promise that if we do not have a love of the truth, then we will not find the truth. That's pretty scary, huh?

to be continued.....
Epiphany #2
Epiphany #3
The Faith of an Atheist

Author's note: I hope it's obvious that it would be impossible for me to include everything that went into the process of going from not believing in anything beyond the chemistry of the earth to accepting the supernatural to believing there is a god. There's countless ways I could've talked about this part of my life and thousands of examples. This post just reveals the way my brain wrapped around the topic today. It's quite possible (and likely, even) that this wasn't the best or most understandable way. If you have any other questions or are interested in more of the story, please feel free to contact me. Thank you.