My Three Epiphanies - #1

In the 33 years that I have been alive, I would say that there have been three "discoveries" in my life that have changed everything. I don't mean discoveries in terms of penicillin, space shuttles or the internet (although Facebook comes close to qualifying) - I mean truths that I have discovered for myself that changed my life. Not only did my beliefs about things change, but my entire way of thinking had to change, as well as every thing about my life. I also don't mean that these truths are special or independent to me - as if I received a revelation unknown to mankind. In fact, these epiphanies are probably millennia old to the world; just new to me. But I don't use the term "epiphany" lightly.  So here they are:

1. There is a god.
More on this transition here: "The Faith of an Atheist"
The majority of people in the world accepted that there was at least some kind of higher power at work in the universe pretty much from the day they were born. But I didn't. This one took me 25 years to get. Although I grew up in a family that believed this, I never did. I was definitely a "5 senses" kind of person - if I couldn't see it, touch it, taste it, hear it or feel it (in the way I had defined), then it didn't exist. Oh now plenty of people would say "What about electricity? You can't see that, yet when you flip a switch the lights come on." -or- "What about the wind? You can't see the wind, you only see the effects of the wind." And frankly, I think those questions were just so cliché that I didn't really pay any attention to them. In fact I've never known of an atheist that was swayed in any way by them - even though they are good questions. I believe my atheism started out for two main reasons - the first was that there was no god standing in front of me face-to-face that I could ask questions of. (I mean really, people doubted Santa Claus, but at least he was at the mall once a year.)

The second was that my kid-brain way of testing the hypothesis of whether there was a god bore no fruit. I remember sitting on my bed at the ripe old age of 7, staring up at the white wood shutters over my window. I remember telling God that I would believe in Him all my life and do whatever He wanted me to do if only He would move my shutters. Just a little. He didn't have to unhinge them and make them float around the room or anything, just wiggle them a little. Then I'd be all His. I mean, surely a god that could create the universe could wiggle a kid's shutters, right? And surely He would want me to believe in Him, right? Well, my shutters never moved (as you might have guessed) and I went to bed disappointed. It wouldn't be until years later ... probably 20 ... that I would read how many people (and Satan) are recorded in the Bible asking God to do the same type things. I would never have guessed how many times people have said, "IF you are the Son of God..... command these stones to be turned to bread .... throw yourself off the temple and let the angels heal you ... take yourself down from the cross." And then what do they say? Then "we will believe in You!" And even while Jesus was on [mock] trial, the Jews again gave Jesus an "if" statement. But Jesus answered, "If I tell you, you won't believe." And guess what? They didn't.

So why do I bring these up? For one, to prove that I'm not the first person in history to tell God to prove Himself to me (and I know I won't be the last). And to prove that I'm not the first one God said no to. But why? Shouldn't He have given me every reason to believe? It's not like I was asking Him to destroy a race of people, and when Satan asked Him to turn those desert stones to bread, it's not like Jesus was taking those rocks out of the mouths of hungry people. So why not? Simply, we don't make the conditions by which God proves Himself. Try to think about this from God's point of view: if His claims are true, then He created the entire universe. He created planets and stars that we haven't even found yet. He created sea monkeys and T-Rex and hydrogen. He gives me life & breath. Yet I'm telling God that none of that is enough for me; that I will determine the evidence I need to believe. (i.e., "Thanks, God, for creating me - you just don't know what makes me tick and how I think.") Frankly I don't blame Him for telling us that creation alone give us every bit of evidence we need to believe in Him. If we choose not to, we can never look to God and say, "I know you created the cosmos for me, but since You didn't move my shutters when I asked, I didn't believe in You. Basically it's Your fault."

But for me, when life was fine and I was healthy and everything was going swimmingly, I really didn't see a need to look for a god. It wasn't until I was knocked flat on my back from the dumb choices I repeatedly made that I came to the conclusion there MUST be another way. That's when I decided to really check into matters of faith - not just from an unbeliever's standpoint (i.e., printing out lists of 'contradictions' in the Bible from the internet to debate with), but I needed to start reading stuff that claimed to be from God. It was only through that process that God opened my heart to see Him. I had to quit setting my own terms and approach Him on His terms. Have you tried that? Or are you still where I was? Frankly it's worth a shot and you have nothing to lose. But I will warn you, you have to be absolutely prepared for whatever you might find. If you go into any research with a slanted view, that's all you'll find (either way - religious or not.) We have to somehow get to the point where we go to the evidence with a mind that says, "If the evidence doesn't prove there is a god, then I won't believe and nothing changes. But if the evidence does point to God, then I have to be prepared for what that means for my life." If we don't plan on at least the possibility of change, then it's useless to research it. I now believe the promise that if we do not have a love of the truth, then we will not find the truth. That's pretty scary, huh?

to be continued.....
Epiphany #2
Epiphany #3
The Faith of an Atheist

Author's note: I hope it's obvious that it would be impossible for me to include everything that went into the process of going from not believing in anything beyond the chemistry of the earth to accepting the supernatural to believing there is a god. There's countless ways I could've talked about this part of my life and thousands of examples. This post just reveals the way my brain wrapped around the topic today. It's quite possible (and likely, even) that this wasn't the best or most understandable way. If you have any other questions or are interested in more of the story, please feel free to contact me. Thank you.

Process or Product?

Well here we are, the days after Christmas. Everyone take a big ol' deep breathe in and out together! There's always a bit of a lull for me the couple days after Christmas, where all the hustle and high-gear  living has come to an abrupt stop and I feel like the middle of a sugar crash. Now don't get me wrong, I still have plenty of projects in mind to do -- but now I am going to shift the focus a little bit. I'd love to work on a quilted project for me. Does that sound horrible? Other than the very first thing I made (a table runner), I haven't sewn anything for myself. And the only reason I made that one for me was because I didn't believe it would be good enough to give to anyone else! (Just for the record, I ended up really liking it - shown here.)

What about you? When you craft and make things, do you tend to make stuff for yourself or for other people more? I promise that's not a trick question, and I won't think you're a terrible person if you make stuff for yourself. ;-) Actually, I think the answer addresses a pretty fundamental difference between the two main kind of personalities in people who make things: those that do so more for the final product, and those who make things for the process of making it. (For example, do you think "I really need curtains. I guess I'll sew something." -or do you think- "I really want to sew - what should I make? How about curtains?") I am *definitely* the latter. I don't mean to say I don't enjoy the finished item - I do -- I just mean that the most important aspect of creating anything is the actual making of it. Maybe that's why I give away so much of what I make? I don't know. But some of my personally happiest time and, more importantly, my "inner peace" times are when I'm sitting at my bench, my work station, my sewing machine, etc., and my fingers are flying as I bring an idea to life. I love the experimenting and piecing and adjusting and problem solving and learning ... and then once it's complete, it's not as interesting to me. It's as if now it is a static object and the energy of its life has stagnated. Maybe that's why metal has been my favorite medium - it never comes to a point where the creative potential is maxed out. I can take a gold shield created in antiquity and alter the design by soldering additional elements to it. I can take an earring made 100 years ago and melt it completely down to make a computer element. Think of all the rubble from the 9/11 disaster -- at first the steel was put together to make skyscrapers. Once an act of terrorism destroyed those towers, the steel lay in twisted heaps on the ground. But they've taken much of that steel and repurposed it into memorials and other uses. Its life never ends! Metal is one of the most fluid and interesting media on this planet! For contrast, think of ceramic. As long as it remains unfired, you can always add water and it will return to a workable mud again. But once it has been fired, the life has been removed from that piece of clay. It is no longer moldable - it is now forever set. How boring! The best you can do is shatter it and grind it down. Man, what a parallel to life, huh? I prefer to be metal - strong & useful, but forever able to be shaped by a Master .... as opposed to a fired piece of clay, unchangeable and single-focused. As long as we remain "unfired" in life, we can be molded and shaped into an ever-improving form. If we remain in the Potter's hands, then we have hope! But once a piece is fired, it's no longer in the Potter's hands ... it sits on the shelf waiting for its determined use.

So, I guess all that to say - the process of making things is what has always been my lifeline. Once I began working full-time as a goldsmith, I noticed I had quit doing many art/craft projects on my own time. But when I had to quit working due to health reasons almost 6 years ago (WOW, has it really been that long??), I noticed within a year that I had an unsettled feeling in me. I just brushed it off for a while as part of my transition, but after a while I realized what was really going on. I was not involved in creating anything. A big part of my psyche had been abandoned, left desolately void. It was not until I made a conscious effort to put my hands to work making things again that I felt peace in that way again. I guess it's never been about the finished product for me!

Crafty hands

Today was a great day .... ahhhh. :o) I love days like this. It's getting to be the end of the day and I am tired out and sore all over - because I've been active and productive all day! This day started with us heading to the health club where I did my usual workout while Danny took photos of our group BodyFlow class. I told him that I was afraid to look at his photos, afraid that it would only confirm my suspicions of what I really look while working out! This is all I could think about:

We got home and had a simple lunch and then I headed out to do yard work while Danny had the fun job of taking packages and our Christmas cards to the post office. Besides raking up a ton of leaves, one of my tasks today was to cut off the suckers that were growing straight up out of our Japanese plum trees. As I was trimming them and throwing them all in a pile, they made me think of the wrapped grapevine wreaths that make such beautiful decorations, and how these small branches would be perfect for that. So, with my ADD in high gear, I took a break from yard work and just started wrapping branches in the driveway! While I was twisting them, two Indian women walked by and smiled and seemed to be admiring what I was doing. I held up the wreath to show them, and they said a few sentences to me in Punjabi. I am hoping they were complimenting me - but it's also quite likely that they were just laughing at a silly white girl trying to make art out of lawn clippings. ;-) But, soon I had two wreaths all twisted up!

The smaller one is probably 18" and the larger one is about 24" across. They are now drying in the garage - I can't wait to decorate them! When I showed Danny what I'd made while I supposed to be doing yard work, after complimenting them he said, "But, who does that?!" ;-) My mind just works that way, I guess! I am always happy when my hands are making things, and it never really matters what I'm making. I'm just happy to be being crafty! That's one of the things I like the most about the pre-Christmas season; that's usually when I have the most projects in the works. And, speaking of which, time for me to get off the computer and back to work in Santa's workshop here. Goodnight all!

What's Important

I recently found this quote on a great blog I was looking through:

Thomas S. Monson --

I believe that among the greatest lessons we are to learn in this short sojourn upon the earth are lessons that help us distinguish between what is important and what is not. I plead with you not to let those important things pass you by as you plan for that illusive and non-existent future when you will have time to do all that you want to do. Instead, find joy in the journey -- now.

That couldn't be any more true! And what a story of my life. It's so easy to get trapped by the mundane and temporary - because we're surrounded by it. It's what we see, day in and day out. A friend of mine recently admitted that sadly, he'd spent too many years of his life "majoring in the minors." Don't we all do that?! I know I have - and do. Right now I'm at a point in my life of separating what's truly important from what's not ... and it's surprising me what isn't making the 'truly important' list. More heart, less "stuff" ... more eternity and less here-and-now .... MUCH less comfort and more stretching my comfort zones. Mainly, less focus on what people think of me and more focusing on what God thinks of me. I wonder where all this is going? I wonder what God is doing with this new momentum in my life?? I guess only time will tell. The only thing I have any control over is today - and I don't even have much control over that! So, I will just put one foot in front of the other and let God sort out the details of where this path with lead me. ♥

... Means a Little Bit More ...

"Maybe Christmas doesn't come from a store. Maybe Christmas, perhaps, means a little bit more."
--The Grinch

This quote seems to be quite lost in our culture right now. In a society that's obsessed with material possessions and the latest, greatest gadget, it's hard not to get swallowed up by the fervor. After all, don't your kids "deserve the best" of what's out there? (I wish that weren't a direct quote from someone I know.) Heck, don't YOU deserve the best?? That's the message we're bombarded with day after day in advertising. I can't count how many things I'm told I deserve by marketing ... whether it's a new BMW or a better haircut or free gambling at a casino. (Just *how* these businesses determine I deserve their product would be interesting to find out ... my leading theory is that because I have a pulse.) How often do we REALLY stop to consider the meaning of Christmas, and the meaning of our actions and attitude toward the holiday? I mean, how many of us *sincerely* celebrate the birth of Christ? I'll be the first to admit that too many times the way I have celebrated the day named after Christ doesn't in the least bit reflect Christ's values. How did celebrating a day dedicated to the most selfless Giver that ever existed turn into a time swarmed with material goods for your loved ones, feasting to the point of gluttony, debt that will take months (if not years) to pay off, all encompassed by an overriding attitude of doing good to those who have done good to you?? Seems odd. Yet, that's exactly how we usually celebrate it. Sure, we sometimes empty our pocket change into the bell-ringing person's bucket as we walk into a store - but isn't it usually just to avoid feeling guilty as we walk past them? I mean, if we were really dedicated to giving to charity, wouldn't it be part of our life, and not just an after thought as we walk into a store?

I hope you don't think I'm coming down hard on you. After all, the fact that these thoughts are coming out of my head should say that I recognize this deficit in myself. I am a recovering materialist at Christmas. We are continuing to make strides that get us farther away from the INSANITY of the season. Did you read about the macing, mugging and shooting that happened on Black Friday??? Nothing says, "Happy birthday, Jesus!" like shooting a stranger over some stupid gift. Maybe it's time we all evaluate how far we're willing to go away from the original intent of the holy-day, and how we can learn to give God the glory during this season ... and every season. Just some food for thought.